A Universe Filled With Adoration and Anxiety
by Chastity Gold
Summary: There's always been a strange kind of anger in me. I don't know where it comes from, or how to control it. It moves me, it takes over my senses, and it scares me to think it could push Dante away. (Takes place after the end of the book. WARNINGS: Mature content, BoyxBoy, jealousy, anger, and over all confusion. This isn't meant to be 'cute' it's more like angst. My Type of Story)
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: This is M for Mature, if you're under age please turn back now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Aristotle and Dante Discover the secrets of the Universe," it belongs to Benjamin Alire Saenz. **

Closing the door felt different. We had been in my room plenty of times, but never like this. Never while our parents bowled twenty minutes away. Never _alone._

For some reason my breathing increased as I shut it closed. I turned to Dante, thinking maybe he would feel weird about this too, but he tossed off his shoes with the same hate as always and threw himself in my bed with so much ease, I realized I was the only one overthinking this.

But it really was something to over think.

We were alone.

In my room.

A room with shut windows and shut doors, and we had been "together" for a few weeks now, but never like that.

"What time do you think they'll be coming back?" He asked.

"I don't know, but it's still early."

"Do you want me to read to you?"

It got me angry, and I didn't know why, that he wanted to read. _Read? _Right now? Why did reading feel so vague? But I didn't tell him of course, I just nodded.

I threw my shoes off too, and layed back-flat on my bed, stretching my arms out.

"Read to me."

And so he read, and I didn't listen to a word he said because the whole time I was looking at other things. The way his eyelashes clapped together. The shape of his cheeks. The movement of his throat. The way the light reflected off his teeth. Shit. I was paying attention to everything, except his reading, and I was also remembering moments with him. For some reason the letter he wrote me asking about masturbation came to my mind, and it really didn't bother me anymore at all. If anything, it just made me feel _strange._

I didn't know what I was feeling, all I knew was that I wasn't going to bear it anymore. Why did I have too? He wanted it to too, right? So what was wrong with it? Why was I holding all of this inside? It didn't make sense.

"Dante?"

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

He placed the book down and smiled, before saying, "sure."

And I was on him before he could retract himself, before he could change his mind.

I kissed him, and it was fascinating. I had gotten used to kissing him by then. We'd kissed there, we'd kissed at his house, we'd kissed hiding behind our parents backs, but never like this. We were never alone, there was always a barrier. But right then, there was no barrier, it was just him and me, and the universe, and I wanted more. More of him, more on me, I needed him. I had never known how much I needed him.

I wanted to touch him, and keep touching him, and go far with him, far into the unknown. I wanted to touch him, and wanted- _needed- _him to touch me, _and only me. _

"Dante, I love you."

"Ari," he smiled. "I love you more than you could ever imagine. More than what I could ever express in words." And his words hurt in a sweet kind of way.

I allowed myself to get lost in him. We were alone after all. I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to me, and continued to kiss, and kiss, and kiss him.

And fuck, he was beautiful, and amazing, and everything I needed.

I slipped my hands under his shit. I don't know how or when, but I did. He pulled back a little, but I was so incoherent I didn't even noticed he had. I pulled his shirt up.

"Ari," he said softly, but more as a question.

"Let me."

And he did, and I took it off, and I stared at him and what I felt inside couldn't be explained. He was nervous, I could tell, and I was hungry, hungry for him.

I wrapped him in my arms and kissed his neck.

"Ari," again the same voice.

I kissed, and sucked, and wished I could squeeze him inside of me so he couldn't have a chance to escape, "What?" I asked.

"I don't know."

I touched him, and there was fire. His body was fire in my hands. Or maybe I was on fire, I didn't know. That's when I lost all reason. And I kissed him, and I touched him, and I let myself feel him in a way I had never felt him before, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. And I knew I was screwed because I was in love with such a beautiful thing.

Somehow I layed him down, and in the process got on top of him, my body between his legs, and this was the strangest form of drug, because I couldn't get enough. I traveled his chest, nail beds digging to his skin, warm breath to his ear, and teeth and lips and flesh to his flesh, and it still wasn't enough.

I kissed his neck and the bones around his chest, and lower, and the top of his abdomen and lower, and the more I touched the more I wanted to keep going, and I was dizzy, and crazed, but I was so very happy that I couldn't stand it. And every once in a while he made this strange noise, a little whimper mixed with something I couldn't recognize back then, but it made me feel all the more ecstatic.

I had him. _I owned him. _He was mine. _All mine. _

"Ari, I don't know if I... I don't know if I'm ready."

And the statement sounded odd, why would he say something like that. "Ready for what?" I asked, curious.

And just at that, mother opened the door, saw us- Dante without a shirt, me on top of him- closed her eyes, made an "ay" sound combined with a gasp, and closed the door again.

It was then that I kind of regained my consciousness, and I understood what Dante meant by "I'm not ready," and couldn't believed I hand't locked the door.

Oh shit, I thought, Oh shit.

There was a knock, and a second later mom came back in. I had gotten off of Dante by then, and he was hurrying to put his shirt back on, and we were both trying hard to hide our flushed faces and regain our regular breathing patters which had been lost somewhere down the road.

"Dante I need you to go home right now. I need to talk to my son."

"Yes, Mrs. Mendoza."

It angered me. Not that she saw us, but that she talked to Dante that way. He had done nothing wrong, if anything, he was the victim here. I kept pushing him further and further.

"I'll walk you out."

And I did, and in front of my mom I hugged him good bye, because for some reason I wasn't ashamed of anything. I was more frustrated that they hadn't played longer, that they had come back so early.

When the door shut, I turned to her, and she was angry.

"What were you thinking?"

"About what?" I asked casually.

"What do you mean about what? Ari, this isn't right, you're much to young."

"I'm actually not that young, mom."

"You're seventeen! And I walk in and you're-" she stopped herself. "Doing what you're doing."

"I am not going to have this talk with you."

"Ari! I mean it! Don't do it again. From now on there will be rules. I don't want him here if there isn't an adult." I walked back towards my room, I didn't want to hear it, "And I don't want you at his house if his parent aren't there, either."

"Just leave me alone, mom."

"Jaime! Talk to your son!" Dad until then had been hiding in the shadows.

"Ari, come here. Sit down with me."

"Do I get a beer for this talk too?"

Even though I was being sarcastic and they knew it, he pulled two beers from the refrigerator, and pored wine for mom. I thought about my possibilities, which were very limited at that time, and opted to sit down for a beer.

"Ari, I know you love this boy, and I understand you are in that age where you want to explore things-"

"Dad, please stop, that just sounds gross." Because it was coming from him, it really was gross.

"But there are _things_ Ari, you can't just dive in it. First, there is protection."

"Dad! Please," I begged. I would have rather slammed my head against the table and end up back at the hospital than to be listening to that conversation. It was too embarrassing.

"I'm not saying you should be having sex, but if you are, please tell me you are using condoms."

For some reason I didn't understand until now, I replied, "We don't need them, we've only been with each other."

"But has _he_ been only with you?" It was his immediate response, and the horror I felt must have shown in my face because he immediately tried to re-state it. "What I mean is-"

"What are you saying?" I got up from the table.

"Ari."

I threw my beer against the wall.

"Ari!"

And without thinking, without a word, walked out and straight for his house.

They followed after me, but half a block down, decided to run back to the house and get the car, and that's when I sprinted for him, and I knocked hard, and opened the door and walked in without being invited.

He was away, where I couldn't see him.

He was at parties.

He kissed girls.

He'd kissed _Daniel._

They were alone in an alley, and then alone at his house.

How far did they go?

I couldn't-

I couldn't bare to think about it.

I stormed into his room, where he sat drawing a sketch.

"Where you ever with someone else, tell me the truth?"

"What are you talking about?"

I walked to him, thinking about it now I must have really scared him, and pulled him to his feet by his shoulders, dropping his sketch book to the ground. "Just answer me! What were you doing alone, at night, in an alley anyway?"

"What? What kind of question-"

And I felt arms around my arms, and I heard voices, but I didn't care, my life was set on his. My eyes were fogged and I couldn't clear them, my checks were damped with water and salt, and I couldn't get images of Dante at parties out of my head, of Dante kissing girls, of Daniel touching him at night in a dark alley.

"No! No! You better not... You better not because I'll-"

"Ari! That's enough!"

"I swear that I'll... I'll hurt you Dante."

The room fell silent for a moment, because they knew I could. They knew what I was capable off.

They dragged me out of his room. The two of them, his dad and my dad, could barely hold me. I was furious.

"What's the matter with you?" Mr. Quintana asked, and I wanted to punch him too. For allowing Dante to be out at night, for allowing him near those girls. Those girls that touched him.

"I'm out of here."

"Oh no, you're not," it was my dad now.

"Let go dad, or things are about to get really ugly."

And Dante came out of his room, and he looked at me confused, and also scared.

And the thought that he was scared- that I had scared him- scared me, and I couldn't bare it. I pushed passed everyone I had to push to get out of that house, and I ran and I ran, and I ran away.

**TBC...**


	2. Shoes and Allergies

**I do not own, "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe," it belongs to Benjamin Alire Saenz**

I followed him to school the next morning, It didn't even cross my mind that I was skipping, I just needed to talk to him after what had happened the day before. I needed to somehow explain I didn't mean to loose my tempter, that I understood that, that was wrong. I thought, _I just got jealous, I had that right now that we were together, didn't I? _Ok, that sounded completely stupid and a poor excuse for the asshole move I had pulled. I was sorry though, I had to make sure he understood just how sorry I was, so I hid like a stalker and came from behind him before he crossed the school gates.

"Dante."

He gasped when he turned, and jumped a little, "Ari! Why are you here? You're supposed to be in school."

"I know, I know, but just listen-"

I reached for him, but he stepped away, and the look on his face scared me. I needed to apologize.

"About yesterday," I lowered the hand that had tried to touch him, "I don't know what happened. I never wanted to scare you."

He looked at me with that "I'm-about-to-teach-you-a-lesson" look. Wait for it Ari, it's coming, "Mom said it could turn into an abusive relationship."

At first I'm sure my face made the strangest "What-the-fuck" look, then I laughed so loud I snorted. My chest was full of air, and I laughed and laughed and laughed to let it out. I slammed my hands on my thighs, like I'd done only very few times in my life, to push out some of the laughing-dance that was in me. "Dante stop." Still laughing, but forcing myself to calm down. Back then, that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. I thought, _me? Abusing Dante? Unbelievable._ If there was anyone there that had abused anyone, it wasn't me. Who's the one that changed me? The one that didn't get out of my head even if I tried (though I had stopped trying so long ago.) Who's the one that had me thinking dirty things and wanting to kiss boys instead of girls? If there was anyone abusing anyone in that moment, it sure wasn't me. "You're acting like if I _beat_ you or something."

His face didn't change, he was still giving me that look. His eyes had a sharp shape to them, but even like that all I could think about was pulling him towards me. "Maybe you didn't, but you did wiggle me around a little."

"Can we go talk somewhere else?"

His eyes turned sideways towards the ground, as if hiding something, "I have school."

"Just for a little," I took a step closer, mentally flipped the coin to see if I got lucky and he accepted me, and he did. Well, at least he didn't flinch away. "Just for a little," I asked again in a voice too soft to be mine, too gentle, a voice that surprised me the most.

He looked up then, his voice too soft as well, "Where?" I'd never noticed how much I liked his voice until then.

"There's no one at my house." I offered, throwing it out there, fishing to see if he'd take it. Maybe we could settle everything that's been happening, and once alone maybe we could finish-

"We are not supposed to be there alone, Ari."

"I don't care."

"But I do." He turned to leave.

It was so wrong, it shouldn't be like that. I didn't like that.

"Wait," I held him back by the arm, making sure to be gentle. _Gently, gently... Don't scare him off._ "We can just walk or something."

"I don't know, Ari."

"Please... Please, just let me talk to you. If you're still mad afterwards, then at least I know I did everything I could. Just ten minutes, if you're still mad, you can leave and I won't chase you." It took a while for me to say the words that finally convinced him, "I promise... please."

**Part 2**

"So basically, you are saying you hate everything that touches me?"

"Everything that touches you, looks at you, even thinks of you. Yes." I replied, and I wanted to say so much more, but I was trying to win him over, not scare him off.

He smiled, "Ari, you're in love with me."

"I know."

"Wow. This is deep."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I was only supposed to fall for you half way."

"That's not what I meant, it's just that I never thought this could actually happen."

"What do you mean?" We were walking to who-cared-where. We were together, he was smiling, that's all that mattered.

"Well, I'm sure that by now you've figured out that ever since I meet you, I've always liked you."

It felt good to hear him say that, to know that we weren't kids, that now we were older, and taller, and stronger, and with our feelings in the open, no barrier between us. I pressed my hand to his waist and pulled him to me, my fingers directing his chin towards my mouth.

"Ari, please," he pulled away. "we're in public."

"Does it matter?" His glance was defensive, "Does it matter that much to you?" I asked.

"_You_ matter to me. I don't want them to do to you... The things they've done to me."

"Nothing like that is going to happen again."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I'll hurt them first."

**Part 3**

We ended up in some tunnels a few blocks away from his school. They were filled with graffiti and beer cans and obscene drawings, but Dante was there too, and that's all that mattered. "So, do you forgive me for exploding and acting like a total douche?"

"You really like that kind of language don't you?" He said it like a reproach, but he was smiling, which made me smile.

"I like _you_."

"You like me?" He asked.

"I love you." I replied.

"You love me?"

"I adore you."

There was a small silence then, until he finally repeated, "You adore me," but it was a statement not a question.

I tugged at the hem of his shirt -two little tugs- and looked up at him. Then slipped my hand under his shirt and kissed him. Finally. _Finally. _Long. Soft. Gentle. I brought both of my hands around his waist and kissed him deeper, deep enough to make up for all that time without him. My body was drawn to him, I wanted to be that close to him always, my insides desired him. I've always love him so much. I clashed my teeth with his teeth, and it might have hurt him but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop then. He was there, and letting me touch him, and we weren't young anymore. We could touch each other, and tell each other things, and there shouldn't be any problem with doing it.

I guided him to the tunnel's wall and pressed him there, _now he couldn't escape me. _The wall was cold but we were not. We were swimming pools, and poetry, and birds that didn't fly. He was everything I wasn't, and I was his darker half. We must have been split from the core at some point, because I was sure that we belonged together, there was no other way of explaining it.

I dragged my mouth across his jaw, dragged because I didn't want to separate from him not even for a second. He made a noise then that I wanted to hear again, so I kissed him in the same spot, and it worked. I guess I was exploring his body. I kissed his neck from the chin to the bottom of his ear, kissed and licked, and almost chewed off. I was hungry for him. I wanted to _feel _more. What I was getting wasn't enough. I pressed myself against him, and his eyes flung open.

"What?" I asked, though I knew the answer. My immature body knew at least this much: _rubbing feels good. _So I rubbed against him.

I thrusted once_, _"Ari, stop. We're in public." He looked around the tunnels, paranoid to be seen.

I thrusted twice,"Don't do that!"

He pushed me away, but I held his hands, drew his ear to my mouth, and whispered, (I was getting really good at whispering back then) "We're not doing anything wrong, we're just playing, you see?" I rubbed against him again, slowly. _Steady, steady... Don't scare him off. _"You see? I just want to feel you."

He couldn't look me in the eyes, but he stopped trying to get away. He stood still as I rubbed my dick against his. He was slouched against the wall, which made me hover over him, and I stared. I stared at him every single second. He turned from light, to pale, to red. He closed his eyes, his fingers clenched my upper arms, and still I stared.

"What are you feeling?" I asked him, I wanted to know.

"I feel... Very hot." He looked at me, and I kissed him. I pushed my tongue deep inside wishing it was something else I was pushing into him. He wrapped his hands around my neck and kissed me too, and soon we were both bumping into each other, making weird noises and smelling like each other's saliva.

And this was my chance so I took it, I reached for him, not to grab, just placed my hand on top of the place he'd never let me touch. "Ari-"

"Let me rub it," I begged, using the same soft voice.

"Ari, no-" but I was unbuttoning the button of his jeans and he wasn't stopping me, so I waisted no time. I did it fast before he would change his mind, and when I realized it, I had his dick in my hand and was jacking him off. I froze for a second, I couldn't belive it. He was in my hand, and I was playing with him, but his moaning returned me to the present. Little soft sounds that transformed to the reason for my existence. I had finally found something to live for, to look forward to, to cling to, and his name was Dante.

I unzipped my own pants, and placed his hand against me. "You do it to me, too."

He looked scared first, and I had to guide his hand up and down, but he soon started moving at his own speed and I knew I had him. I leaned against him, wanting to crush him against the wall, wanting to somehow get inside of him, and I kissed him until our lips were red.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes," he responded. "I like it a lot."

I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, savoring the moment. But I realized that I didn't want to miss his face, so I looked up again. He was looking at me, and he was red, and panting, and just so fucking sexy. And his hand was around me, and my hand was around him, and Dante and Ari, that's how it was supposed to be.

"Ari, if you keep that up, I'm going to cum," he spoke softly, embarrassed.

"Go ahead. I want you too."

"But how? I don't know how."

He was really nervous. "Just relax, and do it."

He closed his eyes, and I moved faster on him, stroking him, heating us up, and so did he. We were in plain daylight, in a tunnel full of dirt. We were "know-nothings," and it was magic and shoes, and allergies, and all I could think about was the glory that was him, and the idea that he was mine.

I came first, and seconds later so did he. And we just stood there, breathing heavily, trying to blink the dizziness away, because we didn't know what to do next.

He stared at his hand, and asked where to clean it. Not to me in particular, just to whoever heard him, I guess. I looked down at my own hand, his cum was all over me. It was the perfect ending to the perfect moment.

I licked it, he stared.

And I licked and licked, the top of my hand, and my fingers, and my palm, until I was clean, and he was inside of me.

His eyes widened as he looked down at his hand again, "You don't have to do it just because I did it."

"It's ok." He replied, "I want to." He repeated what I did, and I stared with fascination.

When he was done he smiled at me, and I moved in to kiss him one more time. I touched his face and his shoulders, and his back, and his waist. His perfection.

"I should go to school now."

"Yeah, I understand," I didn't want him to, but in that moment he could have told me to sit down and be quiet like a good boy, and I would have listened.

"So should you."

I smiled.

I walked him back, and we said we'd meet in the afternoon to walk legs. Then he went in through the gates and I saw him disappear into a corner.

I walked to school in the clouds. Throughout the whole day there wasn't anything that could bring me down.

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3: Everything Breaks

**Part 1:**

"Do you have any plans for today?" I asked standing besides him in his room, front door opened. All doors had to always be opened then.

"What do you mean plans?"

"Are you doing anything today, like with your family or something? Lots of homework? Any saving the world plans?..."

"No..." Dante replied, eyes squinting, as if trying to read deep inside my head.

"Good," I replied and from my jean's pocket pulled out two tickets. "Want to go to the movies?"

Dante smiled, reaching out to grab them. "Really? You want to go?"

"Of course I do! You're always busy with school and work, so I thought we could go get distracted for a little."

"Distracted?"

"I don't think I've ever taken you on a date."

"A date," it sounded like a question when the words left his lips. He looked away shyly.

I took a step forward, and pulled him to me by the waist. Ever since that day at the tunnels, I hadn't been able to keep my hands off of him when we were near. Being with him had become utterly dangerous, "What is it?" I whispered close to his ear, hand tightening around him.

I kissed his cheek, though of course, it couldn't be a peck. I kissed him with my mouth open, making sure hot breath traveled to his ear, I knew he liked that. He pulled away, "don't do that. My mom could walk in at any minute."

"And she'll get mad that I'm giving you a kiss on the cheek?"

"You know that wasn't a kiss on the cheek."

I smiled, "So... I get you at six thirty?"

He smiled back, eyes wondering from the tickets in my hands to my eyes, "alright. I'll get ready."

**Part 2**

"Ari," he spoke, unstrapping his seatbelt, "once we're in there-"

"I know," I sounded annoyed, and I was. I opened the door to the truck harshly and stepped out even harsher. "I won't touch you don't worry. Don't want 'the people' to look at us weird."

"That's not why I do it and you know it."

"If you're so ashamed of being with me then why do we even-"

"Stop! I don't like when you yell at me."

I took a deep breath. Opted for closing the door carefully instead of slamming it shut. He got off neatly from his side, closing the door effortlessly less hard than I did.

We walked towards the entrance, it was Friday night so of course the place was packed with high school students. I wanted to take his hand, hold on to him and kiss his forehead while we waited in line, make sure that everyone knew not to look at him, not to try anything, because he was already taken, but I couldn't, and I realized way too late that I would rather be in one of our bedrooms with the door locked than out there in the open.

But why did we have to hide? Oh... Right... Because _he_ wanted us to.

We skipped the ticket line since we already had ours, and made pass the front entrance into the lobby.

"Butter in the popcorn?" I asked.

"Double dose," he answered smiling. His bright eyes shining under the ceiling lights, and fuck, I wanted to kiss him.

We got in line. I was glad that he got so close to me, to the point where I could almost feel his skin, "What else do they sell?" He asked, tilting his head to the side, looking up at the menu.

"Get whatever you want, it's on me."

"Of course not, I'll pay for my stuff."

"No! I invited, so I'm paying. Those are the rules!"

Behind us a older couple shared glares._ Judgmental assholes. _I wanted to say something, and I'm sure Dante noticed it too, because he shook his head at me slightly, but soon someone else took our attention.

"Ari!" her voice broke through the theater, making at least a dozen strangers turn in our direction. Gina jogged to us smiling, elbow to elbow with Susie, "if it isn't the hermit in the flesh coming out to linger with the commoners."

"Go away Gina," I shushed at her, Dante only stared. She completely ignored me.

"Hey, you are Dante, right? Remember me? We meet in the pharmacy?"

"Yeah, I remember... Hi," Dante smiled politely, and I didn't like that at all. I didn't like the whole scene.

"Why didn't you invite us out, Ari? What movie are you going to watch?"

"It's none of your business, I already told you to go away."

"Yes, may I help you?" Asked the girl working in the food court, and I turned to Dante.

"Can we get a large popcorn, please," He ordered.

"With or without butter?"

"With."

I took the opportunity to seriously kick Gina out of the way, making signs with my eyes, with my whole face, but she wouldn't budge. Guess she thought I was playing, or maybe she just wanted to to be a life-sucking bitch!

"What do you want to drink, Ari?"

"A coke is fine."

"But you don't like coke."

"But you do."

"Look at you both, truly best friends going out to a movie on a Friday night," She addressed Dante alone next, "it's good that you bring him out, I've tried for so long but he always refuses. He needs to get out more. Shake off all that negativity and gloominess that he's always surrounded with."

"I am _not_ gloomy."

The cashier recited the total and I turned to pay.

"Wow! He's nice enough to take on the bill," Susie teased.

We got our popcorn and drinks and made our way to the theater room, both of these dumb girls still on our tails. I really didn't dislike them that much, but in that moment, they were annoying me to no end, they were messing up everything.

"Well aren't you guys going to go to your movie?" I asked, trying not to sound impatient.

"We are going,"Gina replied. " It's this one, right here."

_Son of a bitch. _The same one as us.

"Are ya'll coming to this one too? We could sit together."

Her voice bothered me, the whole thing bothered me, and I couldn't pretend anymore, I had to snap or I was going to explode. "I don't want to sit with you, don't you fucking get it!? Go away! Stop being so fucking annoying!"

Dante held his soda with a tighter grip, Susie looked shocked, around the theater people were staring.

"Damn, calm the fuck down. I was just trying to be nice with you, shit. You don't have to be an asshole about it."

Dante looked away, and I knew I was messing up.

My explosive personality scared him, and here I was, yelling at _a girl, _in the middle of a movie theater. "Look, I'm sorry. You know the way I am," I took a deep breath. "Lets sit in the middle, I don't like the sides." though my original plan had been the back seats. I felt so stupid to think that two guys could go on a date to the movies, that everything would be smiles and giggles and jokes. That Dante would lean his hed on me and I would kiss him, I had even imagined myself playing with him under the darkness, so perverted. What the hell was wrong with me?

I was glad Gina decided to let me slide. One, because it was wrong to yell at her like that, and two, because I knew if she would have left, Dante would have been upset at me too.

Susie went into the row first, Dante and I followed, and Gina slipped in last. We sat in that same order.

We watched the movie, Dante laughed in the funny parts, and I couldn't help but stare. He lite up everything inside of me. No matter how angry, no matter how much I wanted to punch someone in the face, he took all that away. I let myself relax, back leaning against the chair, popcorn constant in my mouth. It wan't so bad after all, Dante was there, and we were together, guess we could always do dirty things in the parking lot-

And oh shit, I really had to stop thinking about those things so often. Everyday, every single minute, all I thought about was having my hands all over him. I wondered if he thought about that stuff at all?

He'd always been more open about those things. He talked about kissing and masturbation as if they were nothing but experiments, a part of life he was exploring, but when it came to me, I always had to push and try hard to get anything from him.

_Why?_

Without knowing I was tensed all over again, the constant question of _why doesn't he want me? _In my mind.

He looked at me and smiled, I stoped tensing at last for that moment.

**Part 3:**

We stayed way after the movie finished, I guess I was waiting for Gina to leave, but she was waiting for us. When the credits finally ended, I got up first, three others following behind me.

"I loved it!" Gina was enthusiastic, clapping her hands together. "Did you like it, Dante?"

He threw the trash in the bin right outside the double doors as we walked out, "Yeah, I did. It was funny."

"You see Ari, you got a nice, decent friend. I don't know why some of it can't rub off on you."

"Yeah, yeah. Well we're heading out so-"

"Wait," Gina cut me off. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Over here it's something important."

"Something like what?"

"Ugh, just come this was, Ari."

I rolled my eyes, "I'll be back Dante, I'm going to go see what this dumb girl wants."

"Oh shut up you know you love me."

"At this point of my life, I really don't know what I feel," I meant it to come out harsh, but I guess it didn't, because she laughed thinking I was joking. Typical.

"Hurry up, come this way!" She pulled me by the arm towards the side of the building, and I gave one last glance at Dante before she dragged me around the corner, he had started talking to Susie.

"Ok, tell me what it is and make it quick because I want to go home."

"Oh shut up, I know you secretly wish for me to molest you against the wall."

I closed my eyes, "please don't make me think of horrible things."

"I'm just kidding, it wasn't for me it was for Susie."

"What?"

"She likes Dante, I wanted to give them time to talk."

"WHAT?!" I yelled so loud she jumped up.

"What is the matter with you? Why are you getting-" She stops herself, "Oh shit."

I looked at her, I wanted to grab her by the throat and smash her against the floor, "What?" I asked, "What are you going to say?"

She stepped back, there was fear in her eyes, in her smell, somehow I could feel it, "Ari."

"What Gina?"

"Is he...? Do you...?"

"What? Am I gay? Yes. Is he my boyfriend? Yes. And do I want to seriously injure you right now? Yes, but I won't do it, because you're a girl."

She looked baffled, "Ari, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't."

I left her behind and walked back to him. He was still talking to Susie, they were both laughing like they had just discovered the funniest thing, and I hated him for that.

"Susie, we have to go," Gina somehow beat me to her, and pulled her away by the hand.

"Oh, ok. Wait, Dante, do you think I could have your-"

"No!" Gina yelled, "No you can't, and we have to go."

Susie looked confused as they walked away, head turning back a couple of times trying to figure out what happened.

"What happened?" Dante asked as well.

"Nothing, lets go home," I walked towards the truck, he followed after.

"What happened, Ari?"

"Nothing!" I just want to go home.

"Tell me the truth."

"Nothing happened, Dante."

We reached the truck and I climbed in, he followed, "then why are you so upset?"

I slammed the door shut, "What were you talking to her about?"

"To who?"

"To Susie."

"Oh... Why?"

"Don't fucking ask me why!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Then answer the question!"

"We just talked about the movie, that was it. She thought it was really funny."

"That was it? You both looked like you were having the time of your life."

"Ari, stop it, please. You're always getting jealous."

"She was hitting on you!"

"No she wasn't! Not every girl that we meet-"

"Gina told me that Susie liked you, that's why she called me away!"

He didn't reply. I turned the truck on, I had to get out of there.

We made it to the street, and were well on our way to his house when he finally spoke again, "It wasn't my fault. I didn't know, Ari."

I took a deep breath. His words have always been solid food for me, energy, without them I'd fall, "I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't get angry."

"I'm not angry."

"You were angry."

Silence.

It took minutes of silence before I spoke again, "I want to make out with you." He was quiet, looking out the window as we passed by rows of houses. "I want to touch you and have you, and do all sorts of dirty things to you." He remained quiet, as if I hadn't said a thing. It pissed me off. I smashed my hand against the wheel, "Why don't you say something!" I yelled. "Answer me!"

"Take me home."

"Not until you answer!"

"Take me home, Ari."

"Why don't you want to have sex with me?"

"You're driving crazy, pull to the side of the road."

"I am not driving crazy." Most likely I was, I don't remember.

"Pull to the side of the road!"

"Why don't you want me, Dante?"

"Keep your hands on the wheel!"

"I don't give a fuck about the wheel!"

"Pull to the side of the road!"

"Fine!" I pulled to the side, and parked the truck without turning it off. I leaned over and kissed him. He pulled away of course, he was mad.

I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him to me.

"Stop it, Ari!" He raised both hands, pushing me back, but I insisted on forcing.

"Why don' t you want to? Weren't you the one who said that you loved me?"

"We're in the middle of the street."

"So?'

"I dont' want to."

I took both of his hands, held them in place so he couldn't push me away, and crawled my way on top of him, forcing a kiss. The night outside was dark, there was no one in sight, and the lights of the house were I had parked were off. _We could do it here, _I thought. I could convince him to do it with me.

But the more I tried to kiss him and touch him, the more he refused, and soon it wasn't an invitation, it was a struggle. Me against him, and him against the seat. I don't know when it became so ugly. I would touch and he would push, I would kiss, and he would pull away, and I was using way much more force than what I had intended to originally.

He was yelling for me to stop, but I heard him at a far distance. My mind was set on having him there, no matter how.

I couldn't stop. Somewhere deep inside I knew I should, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't. I finally had him cornered against a wall- well, the truck- and I couldn't just get off of him and let him leave so easily.

I was on top of him, the weight of my whole body keeping him down. Both of my arms holding him still, my thighs pressing against him, trying desperately to rub on him, to feel him. His hands never stopped fighting, and neither did his legs, kicking- or trying to kick at me- in the small space.

"Let me," I could hear myself speaking, but it was like a tingle in the ears, nothing was reasonable, nothing felt real. "Please, let me."

"Stop! Get off! Get off of me!" He kicked me so hard it hurt, and I guess the pain brought me back to reality. I stopped, I realized what I was doing and immediately regrated it, but before I could speak his fist landed on my face.

For someone that looks so pretty, he has a good punch.

He opened the door, jumped off into the pavement, and ran down the street.

I let him leave, if I would have followed, who know what would have happened. I stayed there in the truck for who knows how long, wondering just what the hell had happened. As hard as I tried, my mind couldn't put the pieces together.

**Part 4:**

The next day, I hadn't even finished getting to the kitchen when mom was already on me, "You left Dante walking last night."

"Mom, not now, please."

"What happened to your face?"

"Nothing mom. Let it go."

"Dante has marks in his arms. Ari, what is going on with you?"

"He jumped off the truck, I didn't leave him walking."

"At first I thought being with him would help you, but now-"

"Help me? You think I need help?"

"You're taking it the wrong way and you know it."

"I'm leaving."

"Where are you going? You just woke up and we need to talk." I paused at the door and turned to look at her, as if saying _go ahead._ "Did something else happen last night?"

I rolled my eyes, walked out of the house and slammed the door shut.

**tbc...**


	4. Chapter 4: Out of sight, Out of mind

**Hi, I'm Chastity, nice to meet you. I don't think I've wrote any author's notes in this story, so I thought I should. First off, I want to warn that this story is angst, meaning, get ready to really hate it. I like making the characters go through the worst possible scenarios, I'm just sadistic like that. Anyways thanks for any and all reviews and I apologize for taking so long to update, I've just been super busy with school, and work, and life all together. **

**Grrr... I wish I didn't have to sleep, or at least didn't have to eat and shower, then I'd have some extra time for writing LOL Well hope you like this fic. I am aiming at about 10 chapters, but you just never know with me. I have a history of keeping it going, though I'll try not to do that.**

**Well I'll let you read now, hope you like!**

**PART 1**

I needed to get away, maybe smoke a joint, maybe drink a beer. I had some cash on me, but not a lot. I drove around looking for the homeless man that had bought me beer the last time, he was nowhere in sight. I set my mind on finding _any_ homeless man. After a while of fruitless driving, I set my mind on finding a_nyone, _any person who could get me beer.

I hated being seventeen.

I parked on the side of the Circle K and waited. Out of all the people coming in and out, someone had to give me the "I'll break the rules for a few bucks" vibe, and that's the one I would target.

I didn't have to wait long, guess who was at Circle K trying to get booze on a Saturday morning?

They parked behind me, that's how I knew they were up to no good. Why else would they park on the side of the store instead of the front? But I couldn't really say anything, I was trying to do the illegal too.

Charlie Escobedo and some other guy went inside the store, and I was about to go in there and ask if they could hook me up,when they both came running out with two packs of beer each. They passed me with barely a glimpse, and got into their car, throwing the beer in the back seat. They took off burning rubber. I went inside the store, curiosity I guess. The cashier looked scared, cops were on their way, the scene looked like something out of a movie. No beer here for me was what I was really worried about, I rolled my eyes and went back to my truck.

I was about to give up on the whole getting shit faced drunk deal, the rush off anger was starting to wash away, and Dante was crawling into my brain again.

I rubbed my eyes with both my hands, I was getting a headache. I realized that I was angry, so _fucking _angry, and that I hated him so much. I wanted to shake him, and make him understand what I was feeling.

It's like he didn't want to be with me. We were together weren't we? I mean, It's not like I ever popped the question and neither did he, but it's obvious that after you confess, if that person likes you back, you're together, right?

Or did I miss something? Is it not official until you ask the question?

That would be stupid. There's no way.

But if it isn't that, then what is it? He had no trouble making out with girls and kissing Daniel. He says he loves me, but he doesn't even let me touch him.

I was slamming my hands on the steering wheel without realizing. I stopped myself, and was really close to swallowing any pride and going to knock at his window to talk to him, when I realized, _fuck Dante. _I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone.

I turned the truck on and drove to Charlie's house. Why would I go sulk somewhere alone and sober when I knew someone that had lots of beer to drink?

I knocked on his door. No one answered so I knocked again. I saw someone peeking through the window and was about to knock a third time, even harder than the first two, when the other guy- the other guy he had done the beer run with- opened up.

"Yes?"

"Is Charlie here?"

"Who's looking for him?"

Charlie spoke from behind him, three other guys were there, "What's up, _vato? _You're here to rat us out?" He had a bat in his hand. I know I should have been scared, but I wasn't.

"I'm here to drink," I said.

He laughed, "What the fuck?!"

I walked into his house uninvited, "I know you have beer, and I can't buy any at the store because I'm only seventeen. I'll buy it off of you if you want."

They all stared at each other, two girls were sitting on a couch in the living room. They looked tired, dressed in shorts, with bags under their eyes.

"Who is he?" Asked the guy that had opened the door for me.

"Ari Mendoza. He used to be cool, but now he acts like a _gabacho_ and ignores his _gente_-" Charlie answered.

"Well I'm here, and you don't want to share your beer," I interrupted.

The other guy, the one that had opened the door for me, laughed. He then got a beer from the fridge, took me by the shoulders, and sat me next to the two girls in the couch. They were watching cartoons, all of them drunk and high and watching cartoons at ten in the morning on a Saturday.

The first conversation that came up was the bruise on my face of course. "I got hit for trying to grab someone's ass."

Everyone thought that was funny. One guy said, "that's what you get."

A girl added, "I would have punched you too."

"Yeah, I deserved it," I answered, and that was the end of that.

I found out that that guy's name (the one in the beer run) was Manuel, he was Charlie's cousin and was staying with them for a while. He had just gotten out of jail, did eighteen months for an assault charge, it was barely his third day in the free. I drank beer, about two or three, before they pulled out the blunts. Yup these guys weren't messing around, they smoked blunts not joints.

With the first hit I was high out of my mind, but I kept smoking, partly because I didn't want them to think I was a... well, you know, and another because Dante kept creeping up on me, his words, his image. The more I thought of him the more I smoked, and the angrier I got at him, the more I drank. I was completely gone before I knew it.

Marijuana won, and I fell asleep on the couch in front of everyone, but no one really cared. When I woke up it was three in the afternoon. One of the girls, Blanca I think was her name, awoke me with her loud snorting. Seriously, if you are going to snort cocaine in front of someone when they are asleep, at least try to keep it down.

Manuel and some other guy made us tacos. We ate _tacos de bistek_ with chips and beer, and we talked about shows and played cards and watched TV. Before I knew it I was smoking again, I don't know how, but weed was constantly ending up in my hands. I guess they had rules too, and one of them must have been: take two hits and pass it to your right, because that's how they'd been doing it. Some guy took three hits, and everyone got after him, so I took my two hits and passed the blunt to the next person.

Charlies parents were at work, but Manuel told me that even if they were at the house they wouldn't mind. "I rather he be here with us, than out who knows where," is what Manuel told me they had told him. So basically, they let Charlie do whatever he wanted in his house: drink, do drugs, skip school, well anything.

It was getting late. I hadn't been home all day, but I didn't want to go back. I was kind of having fun there, and the best thing about it, Dante was nowhere in sight. Out of sight out of mind is how that saying goes, though it wasn't really working. I was still thinking about him way too much.

Charlie sat with me. We were both so high we talked about the dumbest things from back in the day when we were little. I laughed so loud I almost choked on my own saliva.

"You're cool, Ari," is what he told me.

"You're alright," I answered back, and we stared at each other and laughed for no reason other than Mary Jane.

**PART 2:**

When I woke up again it was dark outside, I checked the clock, ten-thirty. I asked Manuel for mouth wash, but he said they didn't keep that stuff around the house in case Charlie was having a "bad day." He said that in several of these so called "bad days," when Charlie didn't have any mood-altering substances, things got so bad he drank clorox, _fabuloso_, or anything with chemicals that he could get his hands on.

It made me sad to know that. I wished things didn't get that bad for him. I had already established that he was "all right," after all.

I knew I should go home, or at least call, but I didn't really want to. _I'll call later,_ I kept telling myself.

Manuel heated up some left over tacos from earlier and we ate again. Around eleven, more people started showing up, especially more girls. Pretty girls with little shorts and big breasts. They looked nice, I'm just saying. They drank and smoked too, some of them did coke, other politely declined... I liked the ones that politely declined.

I started talking to one of them when she passes me the joint, her name was Teresa, but everyone called her T. I decided that she was all right too.

The people coming in were bringing new supply, it's like beer and weed never ran out in that house. It got to the point where I had to refuse, my head was starting to hurt. I looked at the time, one in the morning.

I decide to sleep it off and go home the next day, didn't want to drive like that.

Manuel told me to crash anywhere I liked, so I went to the room where him and Charlie were staying, but Charlie and some other people were shooting up in there. He asked me if I wanted some, I told him I wasn't ready. He thought that was funny, and didn't try to push it.

I tried another room, but walked out as soon as I heard the moaning. Finding a place to sleep was becoming a necessity and there was no place in sight.

Teresa came up to me and offered me a pill then. She had one for herself too. She slipped it into my mouth and handed me a beer telling me to drink it.

I was mad, and frustrated, and sleepy, and this really pretty girl was smiling at me telling me to swallow some drug she had placed in my tongue, so I did. I still don't understand the logic behind it even now or how my mind decided that it was a good idea to take any random pill, but I did.

After that, she leaned into me and we kissed. She tasted like beer and cigarettes, and her body wasn't right. She had breast and a small waist, and long hair, and she wasn't Dante. But I told myself, _remember what you said earlier: fuck Dante! _Maybe he didn't want to kiss me, but Tere did, and so I kissed her back.

I don't remember anything that happened after that.

**PART 3:**

I woke up scared. I didn't know where I was or what the hell had happened. Music was playing softly, I guess that's what woke me up. I didn't recognize the room, but I knew I had to still be in Charlie's house. I got up and went to the kitchen. Charlie was asleep in the couch. His parents offered me cereal, I kindly declined. The whole thing was awkward.

I couldn't remember anything that happened. How did I get so bad that I couldn't remember a thing? And that's when I recalled Teresa, and the pill she slipped between my teeth.

I went home, parked in the front of the house, and got off the truck.

My head was hurting, I felt weak and kind of nauseated. All I wanted was to get to my bed and close my eyes, but of course, that wasn't possible. I had been gone the whole day, I knew what was waiting for me.

I expected mom, I knew she'd be there, but I didn't expect Dante sitting next to her. The two of them were drinking coffee like old best friends.

"Thank God! Ari, are you ok? Where have you been?" Were the first questions she threw out there as she jogged towards me, Dante remained at the table, and then, "Where were you?!" a little louder, a little angrier.

"I was at a party."

"What?"

I walked to my room, I wasn't about to stop and talk to her with Dante there, staring blankly at me.

"A party," I repeated. "You should be happy, I finally socialized."

"You smell like beer... and weed, Ari!" She was mad. Of course she was mad.

"Yeah, I drank and got high. That's what people do at parties." I shut the door, but she re-opened it, "mom, please."

"No! No 'please'!" She said, "I am drawing the line here! Do you know how worried I was? How worried your father was?! Even the Quintanas have been looking for you."

"I'm fine! Shit!"

"Don't curse!"

"Then don't push me to it! It's not my fault that you failed as a mother once and now you're so traumatized you can't leave me alone!"

Her face went white.

Oh shit! I didn't mean to say that. She looked baffled, she couldn't believe it. Well to be fair neither could I, but I was angry, and the anger didn't let me apologize. I just slipped under the sheets of my bed and turned the other way.

I head her swallow hard, her eyes must have been watery. "I can't believe you just said that to me," she said and then left the room.

My eyes were watery too.

Someone else opened the door and I knew it was Dante. I knew what being in the same room as Dante felt like, so no need to look to confirm.

"That was cruel," he said.

"Life is cruel," I said.

"You're being very cruel, Ari."

"As if people haven't been cruel to me."

"Not _this_ cruel."

I said nothing back, so he asked, "What are those things on your neck?"

_What? _

I jumped up from the bed and went to the mirror. Marks, _hickies_, what the fuck?! But where? How?

I rubbed at them, maybe they would go away. They didn't. One, two, three, four, and a super small one for a total of five.

"Please don't tell me that they are what I think they are."

"How would _you_ know what they are?"

"Don't even start with your jealousy right now," his voice cracked. "You're the one with marks all over! Who did that to you, Ari?"

I knew I should apologize, go to him and beg for forgiveness. Maybe if I explained I had no idea how I got them, that I got tricked into drinking this pill, and after that I didn't remember anything-

But I didn't do that, because anger makes you do dumb things.

"I don't know," I replied.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I was too drunk to notice."

Should I tell him about the pill just to be crueler? Tell him I had so much fun with a bunch of drunk boys and girls, and how I couldn't stop laughing and didn't want to come back home because I didn't want to bump into his face. I wanted to let him know that I could go to parties, get high, and make out with random people too, just like he had. Just like he had rubbed in my face while I was stuck at home with broken legs and nothing but his memories after saving his ass from being ran over by that car!

My headache was getting worst. I was about to explode!

"You cheated on me?" His eyes were watery now too, and I liked that. A part of me thought he deserved it. He should cry every once in a while, just how I cried _all the fucking time!_

"I don't know," I said again.

"Was it a boy or a girl?"

"Why would it be a boy? I don't fucking like guys!"

His eyes opened in shock. I hadn't meant for it to come out so rudely, but it did. It was the truth though. I mean, I had told Gina I was gay the other day, but that was because I wanted to have a hold on Dante, something that marked him as mine. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I was jealous, saying what I said at that moment sounded good, but in reality, I'm not gay. At least I don't think I am. I don't like guys. I've never looked at a guy and thought, _hey that guy is cute._ However, I do look at girls and think they are cute, so I must not be into guys.

"But I'm a guy." He looked sad as hell, like he might break down in tears, and I kind of expected him to, only that he didn't. "You said you liked me, and I'm a guy, Ari."

I said nothing back. I couldn't comfort him. I couldn't even stand myself_._

I looked at him, and he was still waiting for an answer, so I spoke. "I do like you, Dante. I like you a lot."

It's true, maybe I didn't like guys, but I liked _one guy._ And I liked this one guy way too much.

"Then why-"

"I was drunk, ok? I didn't know what I was doing. I took some pill, don't know what it was. I don't remember anything after that." Only that I did. I did remember Teresa kissing me, and I did remember accepting the kiss, but of course I didn't tell him. That was like admitting to cheating. He'd leave me if I said that, and what was I supposed to do without Dante? No matter how much I hated him, to imagine being without him was way, way worse.

"I don't know what to do?" He said. "This is all so ugly." He cried, just like I knew he would, and I didn't feel a tad bit bad about it. It scared me how much I didn't care. "Ari why are you doing this to me?"

_Because I hate you,_ I wanted to say, but I didn't. I said nothing at all.

"You said... you said to me that you loved me."

"I do love you, Dante."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I was drunk! Understand that! I didn't know what I was doing."

He cried some more, "and that's your excuse."

"It's not an excuse."

I guess he realized he wouldn't get a confession. Like hell I would confess to cheating on him. He left and I just stood there. I thought regret would come for me at any moment, but it didn't.

I slept the rest of the day, no nightmares, no troubles. I slept like a newborn baby.

**TBC...**


	5. Chapter 5: Alone

**PART 1**

I slept for about four hours. When I woke up the headache was gone, so were the weakness and nausea, but remembering everything I had done recently made me want to sink deep into the bed mattress and stay there all day long.

The sun was shining bright outside, Legs was at the side of the bed looking at me with big eyes and her head tilted. When was the last time I took her for a walk? I didn't feel like doing it then, I didn't feel like doing anything. I covered my head with the blanket and stuffed my face into the pillow.

I couldn't believe I'd said all of that to Dante... and then to mom. I had really crossed the line with her. I thought of my brother. I felt disappointed and sad, and grossed out with myself. I wanted to cry again, but didn't let the tears win. Not again. Not ever again.

I got out of bed, took a shower, and got dressed. Life had to go on. No matter how shitty, it had to go on,and I had to be strong enough to roll with it. No more crying for me.

Thinking of everything at the same time was overwhelming, so I decided to break it into sections. First thing up, I had to get rid of those hickies.

I called Gina, she's the only one that came to mind, and asked what was the magic trick that had to be done. She laughed first, but could tell quickly that I wasn't playing. She told me something about a penny, step-by-step, this is gonna happen, so you have to do this. I didn't understand any of it. I wanted to go to her house so she could help me, but there was no way my mom would have let me. So I did the total teenager-y thing to do.

I went back to my room, locked the door, thought of it for no more than half a second, and jumped out of the window. I had seen people do it on television, but had never tried it myself, had never actually had to. Maybe I didn't have to do it that day either, but I didn't feel like seeing anyone, didn't want to have to explain anything, so I choose the easy way out instead of having to ask for permission. I hit my knee on the window pane, lack of practice I suppose, and took off jogging to her house before anybody saw me.

I thought of many things as I slowed down to a walk a few blocks down. I thought of how Dante didn't trust tapes and didn't like Mexican nicknames. There had to be something wrong with him. I mean, who likes pronouncing five syllable names when you can call people something with two? I thought of school and Gina and Susie. Why would Susie like him? Do other girls like him too? I wondered what Bernardo was feeling as he pounded that man to death. The anger he must have felt, is it the same type of anger I feel? What if it somehow _is_ hereditary? Dad killed who knows how many in Vietnam, my brother killed one in the United States, so who will I kill next? To kill someone you have to have many feelings for them, the feelings need to be pouring out of you, you must not be able to control them, because I don't think someone can kill someone while in control of themselves. Unless they are preprofessional assassins or something, and even then, they must feel something... Anger?

No. It's best not to think of that.

Gina was waiting for me in the front porch, still in her pajamas and hair up in a mess of a bun. She jogged over with a cute smile that quickly disappeared.

"What's up-"

"Nothing."

"-with your face?"

"Oh..." I thought of lying, but didn't, "Dante punched me."

"What did you do to him?"

"You know, for once I would like someone to ask me, what did _he _do to _me?_ I'm the one with the fucked up face, and everyone instantly assumes that I'm the one at fault for it."

She pouted her lips and squinted her eyes, "So then, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing!" I yelled, then lowered my voice again, "I'm just saying I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Well let me show you how to take everything else off." When she said "everything else," she was looking around my neck- probably counting the dark marks- and making this weird face. "Wow," she said. "So Dante's rules include, first I punch you in the face and then I suck you up like Dracula?"

I followed her inside her house, "Dante didn't-" I rolled my eyes, might as well say the truth. "It wasn't him."

She turned to me like she wanted to say something, but didn't, "Oh." I could almost hear her thinking,_ so that's why you ended up with your face like that. _I wasn't going to correct her.

"Yeah. Everything is just so..." I was out of words.

"Fucked up?" She finished. "Does this have anything to do with Friday?"

That question got me thinking. Everything did kind of start on Friday, when I got so angry at Susie, but I really didn't want to think of that.

She taught me the technique, scrape the hickie with the penny (don't be scared to really get in there) just be careful not to take the skin off, because that leaves a mark and is really gross. At first it will get super red, but within an hour or so the irritation will settle, and the hickie will start to fade. Hickies are just an accumulation of blood after all. Do it over and over again until the hickie, or in this case _hickies,_ are gone. So there I was- my best friend: a random penny I found in her room- scrapping at the hickies that some random girl left on me, on some random drug trip, on some random day, and with Gina, still in her pajamas at six in the afternoon on a random Sunday.

Three hours later most of them were gone, and I was performing what would be the last "penny session" before they all disappeared, when Gina and I got to really talk about what was going on. I didn't want to, but she has a way of pushing, of digging into you and pulling the answers out. I opened up and told her everything. It was the truth, so there was no reason to hide it, besides Dante already knew, so what else mattered? I told her about Friday and Saturday, and T and Dante. I completely skipped the part about my mother though, no matter how good of a friend she was, I could never tell her that.

She listened as she scraped at my neck. Occasionally telling me to tilt my head, and occasionally gasping in shock with eyes wide open. I closed my eyes at times, talking while internally listening to the songs playing on the radio. I guess that's a thing Gina and I had in common, we liked having the radio on all the time.

"You mean T, the little short one with the really pretty face and big boobs? She has a lot of tattoos?"

"Yeah, that's the one," I answered.

"She just broke up with her ex. She was going out with that guy no one likes from the other side of town. So yeah... Everyone here was all psyched she finally left him. Now they'll be able to beat him up in peace if they want to." She laughed, but I could tell she was bothered. "Ari, that girl, she's crazy. Don't mess with her. She has this _fama_ of jumping girls she doesn't like. And she's always with her group of friends, all of them are bad. She's not good for you."

"She doesn't seem that bad-"

"Hey! What happened the last time? Care to remind me?"

I rolled my eyes, "that's different, Ileana-"

"Did exactly what I told you she was going to do. You need to trust me. I've been out there in the world while you've been hiding in your room, I _know_ these people."

"You sound like an old lady."

"So? I rather be old than dumb. Besides, you're with Dante. I mean, yeah he punched you in the face, and left pissed off today, but he hasn't broken up with you yet, has he?"

"Well, no. I don't think so. He didn't say it but..."

"But what?"

"I don't think those technicalities matter with Dante."

"So... Tell me how did _that_ happen? I want to know."

I pushed her hand away and got up from the bed, "There's nothing to know, Gina."

"Ahhh, I just want to know how someone got inside your little black heart when no one else had been able to. You know, you're kind of a loner and always look miserable as shit."

"I think we all know that."

"But when you're with Dante you look happy." That shut me up. "Do you love him? Like really love him? The way some people say? Like, that they know they want to be with that person forever and they can't be without them?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I just want to know... Since when have you liked boys anyway?"

"I don't like boys, I just like Dante." That shut _her_ up, "But that doesn't matter now that all this shit happened. He probably hates me."

I sat back on her bed, she sat next to me. She let out a deep breath as if resigned to an outcome and spoke, "look, I know this is bad, this isn't the right thing to do, but _you're my friend_, not him. So I am going to back _you_ up. Stick with your story, say you don't remember, you don't remember, you don't remember, and no matter what don't change it. Because if you change it, he's going to know you're lying, and you're going to be completely fucked."

"But I don't want to lie to him."

"Then don't. Then tell him the truth, but what do you think will happen?"

I shook my head, "he won't forgive me."

She frowned and rubbed my back with a gently touch, "Ari, you did a very stupid thing. A very, very stupid thing, Ari. But I don't think you should lose the person you care about so much, over a very stupid decision." She hugged me with both arms, "Don't worry about it. We'll find a way to make him forgive you. I'll help you, I promise." She kissed my cheek and hugged me tight, "I love you, you know? If you ever decide to start liking girls again, we should kiss or something."

When she said it, it felt real, and it made me smile.

Just at that moment that stupid song started playing in the radio again, Alone by Heart. I rolled my eyes, I'd had it with that song. How many times had it been in the last few days, in the last few months?

"Ugh, I hate this song."

"Alone?" She asked, "I love this song!"

"Of course you do."

_I hear the ticking of the clock, I'm lying here the room's pitch dark... _

"Can you take it off?"

"Is it that bad?"

"I can't fucking stand it."

"Alright, calm down. I'm going."

_And the night goes by so very slow..._

"I don't understand how you can hate it? It's like they're singing about you and Dante."

"What?"

"Have you even payed attention to the lyrics?"

"Yes. I know the whole song, they're always playing it on the radio. I just don't like it."

_Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you, And now it chills me to the bone... _

Gina lowered the volume, but didn't change it. "You know what, Ari? It _is_ like this song is about you and Dante."

"Gina, please."

"Shhh... Listen."

_You don't know how long I had wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight, you don't know how long I had waited, and I was going to tell you tonight..._

"I GOT IT!" She literality screamed. "We could give him a _serenata! _With this song, that you probably hate because it subconsciously makes you think of him."

I wanted to correct her and tell her that nothing _makes_ me think of him, because I'm _already _always thinking of him, but I focused on "_serenata_" instead.

"What?" was my latened reaction.

"Yes! We go over to his house, my radio has batteries, I'll lend you the tape. You stand outside his window and turn the volume up-"

"Just stop talking-"

"Why not?! "

"Because that is so stupid! What kind of guy takes _serenata _to another guy?"

"The type of guy that is in love with another guy! Besides, there are no rules! Where did you hear that things should be different just because your dating a boy? It's the same thing! And who wouldn't like a _serenata_? Ah, I wish someone would do that for me, come to my window with a beautiful song, and lift the radio over his head when I look out the window."

"As a friend I am letting you know right now, that you need help."

"Ari, lets do it! I'll help you."

"No!"

"I know he'll like it. No one does these kinds of things anymore-"

"There is a reason for that."

"And you did something very shitty, you need to do something like this to even get another chance."

I listened to the sound of the guitar in the song, _how do I get you alone? How do I get you alone? _

"I don't know," I told her.

"You should buy him something too, something meaningful. A ring or a bracelet, something."

"You're going way over board."

"Write him a poem, or draw him something. No, don't buy him something. Make him something yourself instead."

I walked to her and covered her little mouth with my hand, "stop it Gina, no one is going to write a poem or take a _serenata_ to anyone. Now, I'm going home," I let go of her. "Thank you for helping me with the Dracula issue."

"Ugh, whatever, but don't say I didn't try to help."

"Gina, you're just too much," but the whole thing made me smile. I liked being with Gina, she was cool.

**PART 2**

As I walked back into my house, I wasn't surprised to hear the ever popular, "Where were you?" At least that time she was alone.

"I was with Gina." I looked at the clock, ten thirty at night.

"You didn't even tell me you were leaving, and you're grounded anyways."

I know I shouldn't of, but I laughed, "I'm grounded?"

"Yes."

"At age seventeen?"

"Yes."

I shook my head and chuckled in disbelief, "Mom, you can't ground me if I'm seventeen and already have a job. _Aparte_, you're the one that wanted me to go out, and the day I go out, I get grounded?"

"You didn't get grounded for going out, you got grounded for smoking weed and drinking alcohol."

"Ugh."

"At least you got rid of those things on your neck."

"Mom-"

"Dante wasn't even with you that day."

I walked over to the counter and poured myself some cereal. I was hungry, but it was more to avoid the subject.

"Did he see them?" She asked.

"Yeah," I answered flatly, grabbing the milk.

"Then you're grounded times two."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, guess we'll find out as we go."

"You can't do that."

"Oh yes I can, one of the many privileges of being a mother."

"Mom."

"Ari."

"Shit," I said.

"Shit," she said. "And go to sleep, you have school tomorrow."

**PART 3**

I thought about it over and over again before I finally decided to call Dante, then I dialed and hung up before the phone rang.

I gathered all my strength and dialed the number again, only to hang up again. That time I felt completely stupid because the phone had already rang once.

_What the heck,_ I thought, and dialed again. That time I let it ring, and it rang, and rang, and rang, and nobody answered.

I called again, and again it rang, and it rang, before Mr. Quintana finally picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me, Ari. Is Dante still awake?"

"Well, I don't like lying so I'm going to tell you the truth. He's right here by the phone, but he's just letting it ring. I'm trying to go to sleep, so it's kind of bothering me. Could you call him tomorrow instead?"

"Yes, I understand... But then, he's there right now?"

"Yes, he's right here."

"And he doesn't want to answer?"

"I'll check again, 'Dante, it's Ari.'"

"I know, that's why I didn't pick up," Dante said.

"Could you tell him that I say, 'please?'" I asked.

"Dante, he says please."

"Just hang up, Dad."

"Dante just five minutes," I tried again.

"He says, it'll only be five minutes," Mr. Quintana repeated.

"No," was Dante's answer.

"It's fine, Mr. Quintana. Thank you anyways."

"I'm sorry, Ari. Try calling tomo-"

I hung up on him.

I smashed the phone back into the box.

I couldn't believe I fucking begged like a child, I hated myself all over again.

**TBC...**

Song used: "Alone" by Heart. I decided to use it because of page 5 in the book, and because I really do feel like it goes perfect with them. Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6: Water and Salt

Authors notes: Thank you for opening this up. This was a very difficult chapter to write, and makes me really hate myself for writing it, but the story must go on. A very special thanks to my friend Rob, who (like in most of my recent chapters in this fic) has taken the time out of his busy day to correct some of the typos I just can not see because I am not gifted with the good eyes. BTW, fun fact, without glasses I hardly see anything... it's scary, and my vision is just getting worst. You might ask, "then why don't you write with them on?" Well because after spending ten hours in school doing nothing but reading, my eyes hurt xD

In other words, I'm just getting old... and my spelling has always been embarrassingly terrible. Moving on...

**PART 1**

The whole "grounded" deal lasted only until the weekend, when I sneaked away again to meet with Tere. After that I did it again and again. Mom stopped trying to get me to stay home, she would just shake her head as I walked out and tell me, "it's your life," with a sigh. She was picking up on dad's old customs, it made me kind of sad, but at least she wasn't standing by the door and forcing me to stay like I originally thought she would. I felt bad not following her rules, but I couldn't be in that house, next to that phone, and waiting for it to ring when I knew damn well that it wasn't going to. Dante hadn't returned my call and I hadn't called him again, it had been almost a month.

On the weekends I would hang out with Tere at Charlie's house. It kind of became a hobby: wake up, hate my life, go to school, hate my life, get home and call Tere, hate my life, go to work, hate my life, and hang out with her on the weekend while drinking beer, smoking weed, and hating my life. I just hated everything, was mad at everything, and wanted to punch everything.

Being at Charlie's made everything, at that time, bearable though. I could drink, I could smoke, and if someone pissed me off, I could curse them out all I wanted. No one really stood up to me, they mostly just backed away. I was getting a reputation for starting fights, I think Tere liked that. She would always cling to my arm trying to pull me away from whoever I was talking shit too, but would kiss me and tell me 'que loco' with the hugest smile on her face and laugh at how scared the other person looked, afterwards.

It was thanksgiving day. I had picked up an extra shift at work just to get out of the family dinner at home. With my whole "rebel phase" who knows how awkward that would have been. Tere showed up at the Charcoaler around four in the afternoon and invited me to go eat. I wanted to go, I wanted something different than the food I had been around all day, and it was thanksgiving after all, the occasion called for something different.

I guess we were kind of dating. I mean, I never asked her and she never asked me, but we hanged out almost daily, we kissed when we were together, and everybody thought we were, so I guess we were.

We were about to walk into the restaurant when I realized I had left my wallet at home, we went back to the house to get it. She was happy to go. We'd hanged out for about a month but never once had she gone to my house. On the way, she joked about how now she would be able to stalk me. I laughed out loud.

I parked in the front, was about to tell her to wait for me but she was already out of the truck, guess she wasn't having a no for an answer. She looked really pretty that day. It was fresh outside, she was wearing a long sleeve black shirt with a mid-thigh denim skirt on top of black tights. Her shoes, black flats, made her look even shorter than usual, standing next to me she could fit right under my chin. I always joked around about how she was made pocket-sized. Her black hair was up in half a ponytail, which was good because it showed her cute face. She had some purple makeup mixed with black in her eyelids, and it sparkled so she must've also put on glitter. She liked glitter... And tattoos, which got me thinking, _how many of them were showing? _How many would my mother notice? I got a little scared, but all covered up as she was, none of them popped from under her clothes, and I thanked the universe for cold weather. One less thing to worry about.

She reached out for my hand as we walked inside, "I'm just going to get my wallet."

"I know. Who will be here?"

"My mom and my dad, I guess."

"Yeay! Guess I finally get to meet the in-laws."

We both laughed.

I opened the front door, and walked in holding her tiny hand in mine.

All eyes looked up.

_All eyes._

There shouldn't be that many eyes there, but there they were, all five pairs staring at me.

I froze for a second before remembering I had feet and I could very much walk away from this on them. "I came to get my wallet," I repeated, choking on my own words, walking passed them.

No one answered back, they stared at Tere, so I turned to her. She was smiling.

"Hi," she said.

Not a single word.

"We're just here to get his wallet. He forgot it," She announced again.

"Who are you?" My mother asked, she must not have noticed just how rude she sounded, she must have been in shock.

"Oh, I'm sorry how rude. I'm Tere," she said, "nice to meet you, I'm Ari's girlfriend."

My body went ice cold, I looked at Dante, he looked sick. I felt sick. I had to throw up. I had to get out of there.

I pulled her passed everyone and into my room. I should of had let go of her hand, but I didn't. I slammed the door shut.

Fuck! _Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!_

"My wallet," I said. "Let me just get it so we can go."

"Does your family not like me?"

"What?" I asked. I was confused, I couldn't think of anything that wasn't Dante and his mother and his father, and my mother and my father all staring at me form the thanksgiving table.

"It looked like they didn't like me."

"They don't know you."

"Maybe I should say something."

"No, it's best if you don't."

"Are your parents mean?"

"What? No! They're the nicest people ever."

"Oh..."

_The wallet, the wallet, where the fuck was the wallet?_

Got it!

Now to get out, it had to be quick. I grabbed her hand again, it was to ensure we both rushed out of there instead of some show of affection, but she smiled when I reached out for her, and tip-toed to kiss my cheek. I wanted to push her away.

I opened the door, the get away had to be fast, "we're leaving. Don't wait for me, I'll be out real late."

I was determined to walk out as soon as possible, to not let anything keep me there, until I heard a glass break. I had so much guilt at first I thought someone had thrown it at me, but when I turned, I saw Dante bending down to pick up the glass shards with his bear hands.

"You're going to cut yourself," his dad told him, and got up to get something from the kitchen.

His mother was helping him get up, "are you ok?" she asked.

He was on his knees, holding himself up with both hands from the floor. His face was pale, I mean really, really, pale.

He threw up right in front of his mom, in front of everyone.

"_Ay, Dios,_" she said, and he gagged again, throwing everything out of his stomach, reaching for his throat with his hands.

Mr. Quintana hurried back from the kitchen.

Dante started crying, and I don't mean like little tears here and there. He started _crying_, tears and tears coming out, sobbing and gagging like I've never seen anyone before.

I felt like shit.

"Go wait outside," I told Tere. "In the truck."

"Is everything-"

"Go!" I yelled.

She turned to look at Dante one last time, Mr. Quintana was helping him to the restroom, then she walked out.

As soon as that door slammed shut I rushed after him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He yelled, his cheeks were wet with tears, he was dangling over the water faucet trying to keep his balance. His dad opened the running water, and with shaky hands he managed to throw some in his face.

"Dante-"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" He yelled again, as loud as he could straight out of his lungs, his face was red with anger now, he looked like he wanted to throw a punch, and Dante had never looked like that. "You're a liar, you're such a liar!"

"How the fuck am I a liar?" I asked, anger rushing through me too. "How the fuck am I-"

I had raised my voice, but his was louder, "You lied to me!" He broke down, "you told me that you loved me, you told me... You told me!"

"You left me, don't you remember? Or is this remember only what is convenient to you day?" I was such an asshole, I don't even want to remember it.

His dad stepped out of the restroom, he figured we needed to talk.

"You cheated one me," his voice was hard when he said it, with resentment. I took a step back, I didn't want to hear it, "Is that the same girl? You cheated on me with her and then you made her your girlfriend?"

I looked at the floor, "She isn't even my girlfriend."

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," he yelled. I looked up like an idiot. "So you just hold hands with random strangers and bring anyone to your house for thanksgiving?!"

"I just came to pick up my wallet, I wasn't bringing her over for thanksgiving, besides _you _left _me! _You didn't answer when I called you, you never returned my calls. What was I supposed to do Dante? Wait like an idiot for you to decide to call me back? Just like I always waited." Everything I had wanted to say was coming out of me like lava, I was unable to stop it. "When we were together you never wanted me. I always had to be begging for the crumbs of love you wanted to give me." He made a weird face, like he didn't understand what I was talking about, "I was the one that always had to be running after you. I would kiss you and you would push me away, I would try to touch you and you wouldn't let me. You rejected me again and again and I never said anything, but I got tired of it Dante! I got tired of it."

"So all of this is just because I didn't want to have sex with you?"

"Yet you were fine with kissing who knows how many people in Chicago! You made out with Daniel and who knows what the fuck you two were doing alone in that alley! You always talked about sex like it wasn't that important, like it was just an experiment, yet you never let _me _be the one to experiment with you."

"You always tried to do things in the weirdest places, unprepared, in public... I wanted it to be special!" I was falling, I felt like I was falling. "I wanted our first time to be something we could always remember, you thought I didn't want to be with you? Did you really think that? After all the time I've been in love with you!" I was speechless, "I thought about it every fucking day. I had already reserved a hotel room, I had the movie, I recorded a fucking tape with music, I'm such an idiot!"

I reached for my head with both hands, I was dizzy.

"You broke my heart."

"Dante, please don't say that."

"I don't know what to do. What am I going to do without you, Ari?" He broke down again in tears and cries. I wanted to hug him. I realized that it didn't just feel like I was falling, I actually _was_ falling. I stumbled against the wall and decided to stay there. I looked at the floor in disbelief, I looked at Dante in disbelief, the restroom was spinning. "What am I going to do?" he asked again.

I cried too, "Dante, please stop crying."

"Go to fucking hell, Ari. Don't ask for that right now! Do you want me to be smiling? Do you want me to be laughing?"

"I'm an idiot."

"Well at least you got that right."

"Dante, I'm so sorry."

"That isn't good enough, it's nowhere near good enough."

"Dante-"

"Go with your girlfriend, get out of here!"

"I don't give a damn about her!"

"Go with her! She's waiting for you, isn't she?"

"Stop talking about her, I don't care about her!" I hugged him, I don't remember how or when I decided to do it, but I remember feeling him against me. "I care about you. I only care about you."

"Don't you dare even say it," he pushed me away.

He pushed, and he pushed, and he pushed.

"_Mentiroso,"_ he told me, and for some reason the word felt worst in Spanish, like he was preserving that language for deep blows only, and this was one of them. "Get off of me, don't even think-"

"Let's just talk about it-"

"I don't want to fucking talk about it!"

"You're going to listen!" I yelled. I held him and forced him to look at me, "Why don't you ever fucking listen to what I have to say? You're such a hypocrite, Dante! You're getting mad at me for this when you've been with who knows how many people! What did you do in Chicago?! Huh? Tell me!" My mom and his dad where already in the restroom, they always got in between us when things got ugly, and that day things got very, very ugly. "C'mon, tell everyone here, what did you use to send me in the letters? You're not nice, you're not even clean! You make out with just about anyone just for the fuck of it, and then have the nerve to tell me about all the details!"

"Shut up!" He yelled back.

"You knew that I would hate it! You knew because you're not an idiot! You're not an idiot," I repeated. "You're just a fucking manipulator!"

"What?!"

"Don't act like you don't know what I mean, you pretend to be a good boy, but you're a nasty fucking thing!"

"Ari!" Both of my parents yelled in unison.

"C'mon Dante, we're leaving," Mr Quintana said.

"Tell your parents, Dante! Tell them the type of person that you really are! You're a-" I stopped myself, but in the end decided to say it, "You're a hoe! A hoe that pretends to be all innocent!"

"Hey, that's enough," Mr. Quintana told me. "I don't want you near my son."

"You should keep _your son_ out of alleys too, just a heads up, you know."

My mom shook her head, she couldn't believe what I was saying.

"You wont see me again," I heard Dante say, and that broke something inside of me that I will never be able to understand.

I know that I ran after him, I know that I was crying, I know that I was a mess.

The universe was black. The noise wasn't real, that wasn't really happening, that was all a bad dream. The light that Dante had brought into my life was fading, like every great dynasty on this Earth, our story was coming to an end, but I couldn't just let that happen. I clinged on to him with all I had.

"Let go of him."

"Let go of him."

It was all a blur, the tears, the screams, the cries. Somehow we all ended up on the floor. It took so much for me to finally let go, everybody had to pull me off of him, and when I did and I saw him walk away, the universe spun so fast under my feet that I hyperventilated.

I don't remember much details about what happened, but somehow I remember exactly how hyperventilating felt. My legs were shaking, in the mess we had all ended up in the kitchen, and I leaned my back against the countertop. I wanted to breathe but I couldn't, it was frightening. It was like being underwater but while still on land. No matter how much I tried the air was insufficient. My breathing rate increased faster and faster, I was gasping for air like a fish without water. I was wheezing, I was fainting. My eyes were wide open, my mom was next to me, telling me to sit down, telling me to "breathe, breathe."

Dante left, in tears and pain, but he left me, and I couldn't breathe without him. It was manifesting physically. The fucking air wouldn't get inside my lungs.

"Calm down, look! Look at me, Ari! Breathe like me," Mom took a deep breath. "Slowly... Relax..." She took another deep breath.

I tried mimicking her, I wanted to calm down, I remember thinking that if I didn't I would pass out and die. I tried taking deep breaths. One... and two... Three... little by little my respirations slowed down. I wasn't gasping as much, the headache was going away, but the shakiness in my heart was still present. Twelve... thirteen... Just a little more.

"You have to calm down... it's ok," my mother spoke, her voice breaking. I listened to her words since there was nothing in my world but blurred vison, until living images came back to reality. I sat on a chair dad had brought for me and leaned against it. Twenty-one... twenty-two...

I restored my breathing back to normal, but Dante was gone, and I was alone. I had once gone to the desert, back when he was in Chicago, and had sat there in the middle of the night. I had looked to the left, there was nothing, I had looked to the right, nothing, had looked up at the sky, nothing for thousands of miles. That's exactly how I felt then, there was nothing anywhere.

I don't know how much time passed by, maybe five, maybe thirty minutes before my mom spoke again, "Ari, that girl is freezing herself outside."

I had no words to say, no will to argue, no strength to tell Tere that I never wanted to see her again, so I only nodded.

Tere was shivering in the truck, she asked if everything was ok. I said "no." She didn't ask for anything else. She would never understand how much that simple, tiny, word meant. No one would. No one.

**Tbc...**


	7. Chapter 7: Stupid Decisions

**Author's Notes: **I want to say some things, first of all thanks so much for reading this. I love Ari and Dante, and in no way want their story to end. I want to keep them going and loving and hating and exploring, and Aahhhh... I'm having a moment. The thing about me is that I am kind of mean and like making the characters suffer, but let's be realistic, with Ari and Dante's attitudes and lives, of course some troubles were coming their way. I want to take this opportunity to thank Mr. Saenz (not that he'll ever see this, but for everyone else to see) for writing this story that I love so, so much. Now, there are some things in this chapter, first I believe it is the longest I've written for this story. I've written pieces here and there, mostly while completely high off of coffee or partially asleep, and this time my friend didn't have time to look it over to catch typos and errors that I can't see because, since I already know what it's supposed to say, my head automatically just assumes that's what it says, and BAM! We got typo land! What I'm trying to say is that, this chapter may contain lots of typos, so I do apologize. If they really bother you to the point of "Ugh, I can't read this!" Send me a message and I will look it over. My feelings won't get hurt or anything, just tell me, "hey! Girl! You're fucking up," and I'll go fix it as soon as I have a chance. I also wanted to say that I was planning on a ten chapter story, but the way things are advancing I think a solid 15 is more like it. Last thing, I wanted to suggest to anyone that loves Ari and Dante fanfic like me, to google "A riot in the heart," by lonelywalker (I believe) It's my favorite so far, and I think that's it. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy... Bye Bye.

**Part 1: (this Chapter has been written from Dante's point of view)**

"I can teach you how to swim," I had noticed him since he walked in, that wasn't the first time it happened. Sometimes I looked at boys and thought, 'wow, that one is really cute,' but I had never taken the extra step and actually talked to someone. I had always been scared I guess, _what if he gets mad? What if he's mean to me? What if he figures out what I'm thinking? _And how exactly are you supposed to 'flirt' with a guy anyways? How many others were like me? How would I know which ones?

The boy moved towards me, squinting into the sun, and giving me a really dirty look. I should have quit trying to talk to him, I should have gotten up and left, any other person would have. He looked very angry, like someone had gotten him upset and he was about to take it out on whoever was there. But of course, I didn't run away, didn't even think of the possibility, I tried asking again, this time nicer, "I can teach you how to swim, if you want."

"You talk funny," He said.

"Allergies."

"What are you allergic to?"

"The air," I was only speaking the truth, anything made my airway narrow, anything that the air could carry, or at least that's how I felt. Who would have thought a simple comment that randomly popped in my head and equally mindlessly popped out of my mouth would kick everything off.

I heard him laugh for the first time.

"My name's Dante," I felt like I had to make it official, I didn't want to be just'that guy I meet at the swimming pool.'

He laughed again, harder and louder than before, his teeth were so bright against his dark skin, and he looked so young and free as he made fun of me. I looked at the water, sometimes people laughed at my name, no big deal, or at least I tried to show that it wasn't.

He swallowed back a little, tried to calm himself, "sorry," he said.

"It's okay, people laugh at my name," I sounded flat, numbed by the amount of times I've delt with the same conversation, _Why Dante? What does that mean? Isn't it some old, dead, dude? _But to my surprise that wasn't what followed.

"No, No," he shook his head. He was trying to stop from smiling, but it was notably impossible. "See, it's just that my name's Aristotle."

_What? _I wanted to say. _What do you mean, Aristotle? Could you say that again? Do you know that's some old, dead, dude?_

And then, as if he had somehow heard me, he repeated, "Aristotle."

We both went crazy laughing.

**Part 2**

I closed the door with a bang, throwing myself in the bed, and letting all the tears fall out until my eyes burned with every blink. My parents let me cry. They knocked every so often and opened up. I know they were just making sure I wouldn't do something stupid. They never asked anything, would just opened up, checked on me, and close the door again. They let me be miserable in peace.

Deep into the night though, when the sniffing and sobs had calmed down, and I sat flat on the bed, head propped up with two pillows, looking at the television that I had stupidly forgotten to turn on, with the biggest headache I'd ever had and kind of a runny nose, dad came into the room and spoke "Are you alright?"

Of course I wasn't, and of course he knew that, I guess he didn't know how to begin the conversation. He sat next to me in the bed, the weight of his body denting the mattress making me lean against him.

"I'm being punished, right dad?" I tried sounding strong, but amounted to plain tired. Eyes swollen and nose red, nothing I could have said would have made me sound better than the left over, unwanted pieces of waste, that Ari didn't want near him any longer. For a moment I thought that he actually cared about me, "For being weird."

He reached his arm around my shoulders and held me tight, "Dante, don't say that."

My voice was breaking, I crunched his shirt between my fingers overwhelmed by impotence and a feeling of uselessness. "Boys are supposed to like girls, that's the way it's supposed to be. I was born defected."

"You were not born defected!" He got mad when I said that. "Don't ever say anything like that."

"I was just trying to be happy, but I can't, I'm not supposed to, because what I feel is wrong! Because boys aren't supposed to like other boys. You and mom told me that is was ok, but it isn't dad! It isn't!"

Mom stared from the door for a while, then walked over and squatted in front of me, taking one of my hands in hers, "Dante listen to me, and listen well. There are many wrong things in this world. There are liars, and cheaters, and greedy people. And murderers and molesters, and rapists, and people that like to see others cry. There are people that do things on purpose to make others suffer." She looked at me with a really serious face, "Are you a liar, Dante?"

"No." I shook my head. "I don't like to lie, you know that."

"Then are you a cheater? Are you greedy? Do you like seeing people cry?

"No," the questions sounded weird.

"Then I don't see anything wrong with you." Moms always know just what to say."When I look at you," she brushed my hair behind my ears, "I see a sweet, kind-hearted boy, who just happens to like other boys, and there is nothing wrong with that. Do you want to know why?" I stared into her eyes, my mom is so wise, I knew they held a special answer to anything I could ever ask. "Because it is love, Dante. It isn't hate, it isn't envy, it isn't greed, it isn't something to hurt others or ugly or dirty, it's love. So how can love be wrong?"

My eyes filled up with tears again, but my mouth smiled. "Mom."

"There are some things wrong here though," she continued. Getting up from the floor and sitting next to me, "and we need to talk about them because I don't want you to grow up with the wrong concept." I listened carefully, I knew it was important. "What Ari did right now, is just not acceptable. The way he launched himself at you, I thought he was going to hit you. That boy is angry Dante, and that really scares me. I think he needs help."

"I know."

"The things he said, no matter how angry he was however, were just wrong." She questioned me then, "Dante, have you been having sex with other boys?"

"No, mom, not sex... I've done sexual things though."

"Well it doesn't matter. One thing that you _need_ to know, that is common sense so you should know already but I feel like it must be said, is that the amount of people you are sexually active with in no way reflects who you are. Unless of course, that one of you is married or you're hurting others with your actions, then that's something you have to think about, but under normal circumstances the number of people you choose to be sexually active with has nothing to do with who you are as a person. So that word he called you, that 'H word,' it wasn't just irrelevant and rude, it also made him sound completely ignorant." I lowered my eyes, her eyes followed me, "You are using protection, no matter what _type_ of sexual activity you are having though, right?"

"Yes, mom."

"Well that's the most important thing, always use protection. And always check for consent..."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, mom."

"Ok, just making sure because these things _are_ important." She played with my hair. "I don't know what got into him, Dante, things were going so well."

"It's because I didn't want to have sex with him."

"Well that just makes everything worst. You know pressuring someone into having sex is rape."

"I know. It isn't that I didn't want to though, I just wanted to wait a little, make it special. I guess he felt like I didn't want him, or at least that's what he told me."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I guess I'm kind of blaming myself."

"So many things could have been fixed with just proper communication."

"But you know the way Ari is about talking, even if the sky was falling there's no way he'd talk to me about his feelings."

"Dante," She paused as if looking for words, and for mom to look for 'the correct words' meant that something big was coming. "What he said about the letters, did you really use to tell him details of the things you were doing?"

My head fell in shame, "Yes, I used to do it."

"Dante," she sounded disappointed, "but you knew he liked you, you knew that would make him feel bad."

"I didn't want for him to feel bad, mom. I just wanted-" it was embarrassing to say it out loud, for her to know that in a way I really was greedy, "I wanted him to get mad, so he could tell me to stop doing it. I was stupid."

"You were trying to get him jealous, so he could admit that he liked you."

I nodded.

She took a deep breathe, "if you get a chance, you should apologize for that."

_If I get a chance._

"I will, mom."

Dad stepped in, "Dante, do you believe in the Universe?"

I smiled up at him, "Yes, of course I do."

"What do you always tell me about the Universe?"

"That it's a living being, and that-" we said the rest in unison, "not a single grain of sand in the waters or a star in the heavens is there without a purpose."

He smiled, "this is the time to test your fate. Sometimes you have to be patient and wait, sometimes you have to be brave and fight, and sometimes you have to be wise and let go. Those are words that have left your mouth before, now it's time to put them to use." He kissed my forehead, "I love you son."

"I love you," mom repeated.

"I love you too," I told them.

We sat there hugging each other, "it's going to hurt," mom said.

"It _is_ going to hurt," dad confirmed.

"How long is it going to hurt?" I asked.

Mom was the brave soul who answered, "as long as you let it."

**Part 3:**

Friday, Saturday and Sunday I did nothing but watch television. I didn't go back to school Monday, or Tuesday or Wednesday, I could tell my parents were getting worried. I wasn't ready, but I decided I had to go back to normal. I wanted to stop feeling alone and in pain, and laying in bed feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to cut it. I went to school Thursday, and then called to work to see if I wasn't fired. I told them I had been sick, they told me to never do it again.

Daniel was in that day, to my surprise, he noticed something was wrong. "A pretty face shouldn't cry so much," he told me.

I stared at him blackly, I wanted to tell him, _but you won't lift a finger to prevent it from getting beat to a pulp_, but I wasn't in the mood for anything, especially not an argument.

He looked around the store from one side to the other. I knew what he was doing, he did it all the time before he tried flirting with me, he always had to make sure no one was watching us. He took a step forward, so I guess we were alone, "Are you still mad at me?"

That guy seriously had some issues, so I decided to return with some sarcasm, "why would I be mad at you, Daniel?"

"Well... Uh... Ummm..." Yup, still the same person as ever, but-

"Wanna come over tonight?"

He was just as surprised as I was, "Like to your house?"

I smiled, if I was inviting him over I might as well play the part, "Of course, where else would we go?"

"I would love to go if you let me. You know," he touched my face with his hands, "I've really missed you, Dante."

He tried to kiss me, but I pulled away. It was a reflex, I tried playing it off, "You've missed me, or you've missed me jacking you off?"

"I've missed kissing you and hugging you."

"Of course you have," I laughed.

"I know you don't believe me, but I am sorry for what I did. I've told you so many times."

"Words are just words."

"We've been together for a long time-"

"It was only a few months, and it wasn't even-"

"I care about you, Dante."

I chuckled, "I'll meet you at my house after work, I know there's no way you'll want to leave the store with me."

I turned and left. I can't say that I expected anything else from him, but he could have at least tried to say something back. He didn't, and I laughed at myself for the stupid decision I was making by wanting to spend any amount of time with someone like him.

**Part 4:**

I was about to call my dad to tell him I was ready to get picked up when Daniel came from behind and hung up the phone, "I'll take you."

I stared at him in shock, _there was no way._

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Are you hungry? We can go eat too, if you want."

I frowned by eyebrows, "Why are you doing this? You don't have to prove anything, I'll still play with you."

"Let me do this for you, please. Look, I may not be able to kiss you in public yet, or hold your hand, but I'm trying here, Dante. There's no one like you, I've never meet anyone like you, and I don't want to lose you, so please."

That really shook me up, I hadn't see it coming at all.

We had pizza, talked about work and like always, I mumbled about books. He pretended to care.

When I walked into the house with him, my parents gave me 'the look,' but nothing more.

"We're going to be in my room," I told them, and that was it.

I locked the door and walked towards my desk. I was thinking we could listen to some music, but he wasn't planning on beating around the bush. He hugged me from behind and kissed my neck, and then my ear, and my cheek, he turned me around and kissed my mouth. I felt absolutely nothing, it was like kissing the wall, or a very wet piece of wood. I wondered what Ari was doing, was he with her? Was he kissing her too? I wanted to cry, I wanted to kick Daniel out and tell him I hated him.

"I've missed you," he told me.

"I guess I did too," I said. "I miss the orgasms."

He smiled, I didn't.

"Want one right now?"

"You know I'm not going to say no."

He sat me down on the bed, and got on his knees, "Can I do this?" He asked.

_Ari, how I wish it was you that was here. _

I imagined him, on his knees in front of me, and got so hard it hurt.

"Can I?" He asked again.

I reached for his hair, pretended I was stroking Ari's head, and smiled, "Yeah, go ahead."

I closed my eyes, didn't open them until it was over, and in my head, it was Ari doing it the whole time.

When we were done he left, I was so glad because I couldn't stand it any longer.

I ran for the phone and called, I had to talk to him, to at least hear his voice.

He answered on the second ring, "Hello?... Hello?"

It was him, but I didn't know what to say. The words got stuck in my throat and I fisted my knuckles in utter hatred. He was right there, all I had to do was speak, but I couldn't, I didn't want to. I was still mad at him, I was still thinking about how he and that girl looked so perfect together.

"Is it you?" His voice was a whisper, and I wanted to kiss him so much. I wanted to touch him, and feel him, or at least masturbate to his memories. "Is it you?" He asked again.

I hung up, the sadness got so bad I couldn't stand it. My chest was so heavy, I felt lack of oxygen. The tears we constant, but I keep the cries in, at least that much I had to do.

There was a knock on the door, and for a moment, I thought it was him, but then Daniel walked in again.

"I left my wallet, I'm sorry. Can I come in?"

I hid my face, "yeah, yeah. Go ahead."

"What happened?" He asked.

"Nothing, I just... I've had this nasty headache."

The phone rang.

My heart raced so fast and I could hear it rumble against my temples, and then it rang again.

"Are you going to get that?" Daniel asked.

I was stupid, I know, "Could you? My head is killing me."

It rang again.

"Okay," he picked it up. "Hello?"

"Who's this?" It was late at night, and the house was so quiet I could hear the echo of his voice.

"Ummm... You are the one calling over here, so I'm the one who should be asking that question."

"Give the phone to Dante!" He sounded mad, no surprise there.

I shook my head, made gestures to tell him that I was already asleep.

"He just laid down right now, I think he's asleep already... Hello?...Hello?... I think he hung up."

"Yeah, don't pay attention to him."

"That was Aristotle, right?"

I gave him an ugly look, I didn't like the way he said his name. No one should be able to say his name like that, especially not him.

The phone rang again.

"It's him, isn't it?" He asked.

"Just let it ring."

He didn't.

"Hello?"

"You son of a bitch! Who do you think you are answering other people's phones?"

"Stop calling over here, Ari. He doesn't want to talk to you."

"Give him the fucking phone!"

"Fuck you!"

"I'm going over there right now!"

The line went dead, my eyes went wide. Daniel looked scared.

"He's coming?" I asked.

"He said he was."

I called him back, he didn't answer.

"You have to go," I told him.

"Why?"

"Because if he sees you here, he's going to hit you very hard on the face."

"But-"

"Just go!" I literally pushed him out of the door, not even four minutes later Ari was knocking on it.

I wanted to answer, but at the same time, I didn't. He knocked loud, and then louder.

"Dante!" He yelled, and that's when I noticed he was drunk. "Dante, open the door, I know you're in there!" Knock, Knock, Knock, so loud I jumped a little. "Dante! Dante! Open the door or I'm going to knock it down!"

Dad came to the living room, "What's going on?"

"Has he gone crazy?!" Mom asked.

She walked towards the door. I wanted to yell for her not to open it, but didn't want Ari to hear me. Running out of options, instead of standing in front of him, instead of having to face him, I choose to hide under the table. I had wanted to be treated like an adult for as long as I could remember, and there I was, hiding under a table like a complete brat instead of confronting my fears.

"Ari, what are you thinking it's midnight?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Quintana, I just-"

At least he calmed down, I was half expecting him to push everyone out of the way, and rush in looking for me like a maniac.

"Go home, Dante is asleep."

"No he isn't, I know-" he started crying. "I know he's with Daniel."

"No Ari, Dante is asleep."

"Can I go in there? Just for a little? I just want to see him, please."

"You're drunk, you need to go home."

"I just want to give him a kiss on the cheek, please Mrs Quintana."

"I'm sorry."

He sounded so needy, so sad, I almost ran to him, but then I remembered what he did and my heart went cold.

"Go home, please honey," mom told him. "And a word of advise Ari, drinking isn't going to get you anywhere."

"Just two minutes, please Mrs. Quintana."

"Please, that's enough."

I heard his truck later, heard him leaving, and come up from under the table. Both of them stared at me. "Let's just go to sleep," dad said. "Tomorrow is another day."

None of us argued.

**Tbc...**


	8. Chapter 8: Christmas Eve

**PART 1: (Dante)**

"You hid under the table," she said each word like a lesson to be learned, arms crossed, foot tapping on the floor. I slid down on the couch, feeling smaller by the second. "This is insanity."

"We need to tell his parents," Dad said. "Did you see how drunk he was?"

"Just let it go, both of you please."

"How can we let it go? What if you see him somewhere else and we're not there to stop him? What's going to happen then, Dante?"

I thought about it. Would Ari come at me like he did at his house? I wasn't scared. My brain must be malfunctioning, I must really have some issues because the thought actually made me feel good instead of bad. It meant he cared, right? In a crazy way, but still. "Nothing is going to happen, he has a girlfriend-"

"Well his little girlfriend did nothing to stop him from coming last night," Mom interrupted. "I'm going to go talk to his parents. I'm sorry, but I don't want him anywhere near this house."

She picked her purse up from the table, she was already late for work, "Mom!" I didn't look her way when I told her, didn't try to convince her with sympathy, I wanted her to understand with facts. Who cared if I had hidden like a child, I wanted her to hear me out like an almost-adult, "I love him. So please..."

She swallowed hard, took a deep breath shaking her head like someone completely defeated, and then with all the grace in the world swang her purse over her shoulder, "I'll let it go just this once, Dante, just this once. I know you don't want him to get in any more trouble, but this is it. No more, do you understand?"

"Yes, mom."

"Ok then," she leaned over to kiss my forehead, "I'm leaving. See you after work, I love you."

"I love you too."

Dad just looked at me, I tired to ignore him. "So," he said. "Going to school?"

"No, Dad. I am going to skip and walk around with _all_ my friends, and do drugs."

He chuckled, but the smile quickly went away. He looked tired, I don't think he got many hours of sleep. Worrying about me of course he couldn't rest well, "Maybe you should talk to him. He looked miserable last night, and so do you."

I knew I did, but it was harsh hearing it anyways. "I'm with Daniel, and he's with her."

"Yet you both are still in love with each other... teenagers are strange."

**PART 2: (Ari)**

"I have nothing to wear! What am I going to do?" Tere threw the two dresses she had in her hands to the ground, adding more to the mess of clothes that were already all over her closet, bed, and floor. I sat in the middle of it all, confused more than anything. I had never seen a girl in her natural habitat until I dated her, and there were just too many questions. Why couldn't she just put on something clean and presentable? Something that matched, she had lots of those. Something simple. A sweater, it was super cold anyways. Yet she had attack half her closet, picked up and thrown and picked up again, missed and matched, and still she claimed she had nothing. I had never seen anything like it. She had been going at it for at least an hour.

"You have lots of pretty clothes," I told her, sipping on my second beer. I was on school break, and didn't have work until the afternoon, so I was having a few early. They relaxed me like nothing else.

She sighed loudly, "Ok," she said. "What do _you_ want to see me wearing?"

I smiled handing her her beer, "A bathing suit?"

She giggled sipping from it, "I'm being serious!"

"So am I."

"Ari," she walked over and kissed me, then she set her beer down, turned around, and went back to her closet. After another long while she was finally down to two items, then she tossed one aside. "I'll wear this and my leggings. What do you think?"

It was a small black dress with a few rhinestones at the shoulders and neck, it was pretty. I imagined her wearing it and she looked nice. "You're gonna look even more beautiful, if that is even possible."

She laughed, took the beer from my hand and placed it on the floor, then threw herself on me. I let myself fall back on the bed as she straddled me. "Guess what?" She asked.

"What?"

"I have a surprise. I wasn't going to tell you until I was completely sure but I talked to The Principle yesterday and..."

"And?" I asked, tickling her sides until she spit it out.

"And I got accepted into the GED program! I start my classes January fifth!"

I sat up on the bed, "That is great, Tere!"

She jumped up and down a little, and I hugged her tight. She had dropped out of school when she was sixteen, and three years later had finally decided to go back. I had talked to her about it, but she hadn't really mentioned much. Her father was a no show, her mother was happy to just have her at home instead of in the streets, so she never pushed her much to do anything. It's not like she was a bum, she worked full time at a clothing store, but I wanted her to do better. I knew she could, and when she talked about why she had dropped out, I'd noticed her saddened, so when I had the opportunity I would encourage her to go back. And who would have thought that it actually worked. Maybe the only thing some people need is a little push.

"I'm going to get my GED, and then apply at the community college. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm only nineteen, and I have minor things, but not a felony, so I can still turn my life around." She caressed my face with her hands, "It's all because of you, you're changing my life for the better. I'd never meet anyone that actually cared about my future. I love you so much Ari. You've shown me that life can be different."

Her eyes watered, "No, no, no. Don't cry-"

I held her close. I didn't love her, I knew that, but I cared for her. I wanted to protect her and see her happy. She was like a really close friend, and as such, I had to take care of her. She kissed me the way she always did, mouth completely open, tongue meeting mine by our lips. I liked kissing her, and driven by the moment we had just shared, that one particular kiss felt so real, so powerful, but still it was not him. Nothing like it felt with him.

He was a whole different story from the moment I met him. He was different. The effect he had on me was different. I mean, he made me like a guy, that was a big thing. When I kissed him, the world turned off, there was nothing else that existed, if someone were to ask my name I wouldn't have known it. And I wanted to always keep kissing him, I didn't want it to stop. I wanted more. I had no control, none at all, he always had all the power, that's why I hated him... I hated him and I still loved him with all my heart.

It had been three weeks since I went to his house. Three weeks I had tried my best to not think of him, to take care of Tere and try to make things work with her, he was with Daniel after all. He wasn't waiting around, so I could at least try something with someone, and who was better than Tere? No one. She was pretty, sweet, she made me feel special, _wanted._ She was everything I could ever ask for, everything could be perfect. My mind was set in falling in love with her, in forgetting him. I just had to get him out of my system so everything could be ok. I had to forget him.

She kissed me deeper, rubbing herself on me the way I liked, and we rolled around her bed drinking beer and making out until I had to go to work.

**PART 3: (Ari)**

We're Mexican, so we celebrate the 24th, on Christmas Eve. Tere and her mom came over to my house. They had no relatives in town, so my family was glad to have them over. My sisters showed up in the afternoon: them, their husbands, and all the kids. We ate tamales, listened to music, they danced a little. Tere really liked dancing. She wore the dress she had picked the day before and looked amazing. Everything was perfect, at least for someone from the outside looking it. We were a family with a mother and father, daughters and inlaws, a son and his hot girlfriend. No one would suspect my older brother was in prison, or that I was really in love with a guy.

My sisters where enchanted by Tere, which wasn't all that surprising, Tere was a people's person. They wanted to do everything with her. They invited her to barbecues and dinners, to watch movies, it was weird. I guess they were just exited that I actually had someone. I had never had a girl over before. Mom and Dad talked to her mom, they seemed to get along well, they weren't planning on bowling or hanging out like with _his _parents, but it would get there, maybe. It really didn't matter.

Tere put on a tape by Selena. She was a Mexican-America singer that was getting popular real quick, she was all the hype in _fastivales._

"_Vamos a bailar,"_ she told me.

"No way!" I said.

"Ay, c'mon!" My sister said, "_no seas amargado!_"

I kind of did know how to dance cumbia, not the twisting and turning and all that extra bullshit, but I could keep up with the basic right-right, left-left. Mom had taught me when I was little and still to naive to refuse her dance invitations, and for once I was glad about it.

"C'mon," Tere pulled me by the arm. I got up from the couch without wanting to, but the fourth beer was already kicking in, and I was a little loose. We danced a few songs, she knew them all by memory and was singing along the whole time. I would ask for breaks to take a chug out of my beer, the courage was needed with my sisters, and my mom and dad looking at us, clapping and encouraging us to keep dancing. And just when everything was going fine, there was a knock on the door.

I got this nasty feeling in my stomach, and I knew it wasn't the beer because I was barely on my sixth one.

Mom answered the door. All around me everything remained the same, Tere hugged me, my sisters where talking among themselves, but I could hear the voice that would change my night completely. I couldn't lie to myself, I was hoping they would show up.

"Merry Christmas, Lilly."

"Merry Christmas, Soledad"

Dad rushed to the door, that's when the room actually noticed there was someone there.

"Hey!" I heard Mr. Quintana cheer loudly, then I heard the sound of two people hugging, it must have been him and my Dad. From where I was standing I couldn't see them, they were still outside the house. A big part of me wanted to take a look, but I held my ground. _Was Dante here?_

"We came to bring you this, and this." Said Mrs. Quintana.

"Oh, thank you. But we haven't wrapped yours yet. Let me go do that right now."

"No! No! It's fine, don't worry about it. We're just passing by."

"Ok then, I'll take them over tomorrow, and I'll put these under the tree. And what is this?"

"Cochinita pibil."

"We haven't had this in a long time."

"Hope you like it."

"Thank you, Chole." Mom went to the kitchen and put a plate of food down, then passed by me and placed three perfectly wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree. One of them was for me. I remembered _him_, the person I had tried so hard no to think about, and my chest boiled. Mom looked at me, she must have noticed my feelings, she always did.

I followed her back to the door, heart ponding against my chest but he wasn't there, only his mother and father.

"Merry Christmas, Ari," Mrs. Quintana said. Her belly was showing and her face was glowing with the radiancy of pregnancy. I didn't remember her looking that big three weeks before, but then again I was so drunk I didn't remember much about that night.

"Merry Christmas," I replied.

"You have a full house," Mr. Quintana spoke.

"Yes," Mom replied, and I internally begged for her not to name everyone, but she did. "My daughters, their families, and Tere and her mom."

"Oh," was all Mr. Quintana said, then there was an awkward silence. "Well, we better get going. I don't like leaving Dante alone in the house."

"He's alone?" I asked, without thinking.

"He's with Daniel, so we better hurry back."

"Wait," Mom said. "Let me bring you some tamales." She hurried to the kitchen, while we waited by the door.

"How is he?" I asked.

"How do you think?" Mrs. Quintana replied, not with anger, but not happy either.

I took a few steps outside, away from the music and other ears, "I guess he's fine sense he's with Daniel."

"Just how you're perfectly fine?"

That was like a slap to my useless pride, I felt so stupid, "I want to see him, get Daniel out of the house-"

"What's bothering you, Ari?" Mr. Quintana interrupted. "Is it that you miss Dante, or is it that he's seeing Daniel? You always lose control at the minor mention of him that sometimes I think it's not that you miss Dante, but that you hate him."

"I _do _hate him! And I don't understand why you don't!"

"I have many reasons to not like that boy, but right now he is helping Dante. So he can be at the house all he wants."

"Helping him how?"

"To forget about you."

My body froze, just like I'd been trying to forget him, he'd been trying to forget about me. What if he succeeded? What if he fell in love with him, what was I going to do?

"No," I said.

"No?" Mrs. Quintana questioned. "No, what?"

I stormed away and was about to go back inside the house when Mrs. Quintana called me back, so I returned. "What game are you both playing, Ari? I see my son, at seventeen years of age, whithering away for a boy who said he loved him. Who almost died for him at one point and now is in a relationship with someone else. What are you thinking?"

"He's with someone else too!"

"Don't you see? He's _trying_ to forget you, meaning he hasn't yet. Have you?"

It was cold outside, and the freezing air of December hit my face like a good slap from the earth. Like the world itself was tired of our bullshit and had had enough.

I shook my head.

"Then stop playing "who hits the hardest." One of you has to give and end this already before it's to late."

"Do you think he could fall in love with him?"

"The question is, could you stand it if he did?"

"I love him, Mrs. Quintana. I don't know what is going on, but I love him." Mom and Dad where outside with us and I hadn't even noticed. The door to the house was closed. Mom handed Mrs. Quintana tamales wrapped in aluminum foil.

"Maybe tomorrow," Mrs. Quintana said, "You could drop off the gifts around, let's say, ten-thirty? Maybe, we'll have to be somewhere else, and maybe Dante will be alone in the house, for maybe a few minutes." I looked up at her, all the stars seemed to lighten up in me. "But," she continued. "We won't be that far away. So no fighting, Ari."

"Of course not."

"I am trusting you though everything that's happened tells me not to."

"I understand. Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me," she said very serious. "I'll make sure Daniel isn't there either. I can't stand that boy being in my house anyway, so it won't be a big deal if I kick him out for a bit." She tugged her hair behind her ear and tinny little diamonds shined against her earlobe. "Well then," she told her husband. "Oh, and Ari. Don't you dare show up drunk."

"Of course not ma'am." Yes, I called her ma'am, she was intimidating.

"Not even the way you are right now is acceptable. Nothing at all, do you understand?"

"Understood."

She nodded her head, I think convincing herself more than anyone else, "Alright then."

**PART 4: (Ari)**

We all went back inside. Back to the food, and the music, and the smiles. One of my sisters was playing with Tere's hair, in the way best friends do. I sat across from them.

"Who was it?" Asked my sister.

"Friends," I said.

"I know that, but what friends?"

"The Quintanas," yelled my mom from across the living room.

"Oh," my sister said. "They boy you saved his life?"

"What?" Asked Tere.

"Yes, he threw himself in front of a car to push Dante out of the way-"

"Shut up already! Don't talk about it!" I yelled so loud getting up from the couch that everyone turned to me.

"Alright, calm down. I didn't mean anything bad by it," my sister said.

"Ari, could you come for a bit," Father called, and I walked across to the kitchen. I don't know what would have happened if I would have stayed there.

"Don't," Dad said. "That is the exact reason why things are going bad for you."

"I know dad, I just..." I took several deep breathes, opened and closed my fists against the kitchen table. "I can't control it. It get's me angry."

"It gets you angry that you saved his life?"

"No. I know it's stupid, but it gets me angry when other people talk about him like they know him."

Dad looked worried, I was at a level of jealousy over one billion. "Maybe some counseling-"

"Dad, not right now, please."

"I'm just saying, you haven't even given it a try and you're already saying it doesn't work."

"Why don't _you _go to counseling then, if it works so much?"

"If you want me to, I'll go with you. It could be like a family thing. I know I have many monsters to deal with too." I was shocked, not only that he said that, but that he said that to _me. _"How is that letter coming along, the one you were writing to your brother?"

"I sent it off three days ago. I wanted him to get it by tomorrow, but who knows if he will. There's no mail."

My dad patted my back, and then hugged me. "You're a good kid, son."

I patted his back too, but said nothing back.

**TBC...**


	9. Chapter 9: The HoneyMoon Phase

**PART 1**

I woke up early the next morning, which must have been out of nerves because I hadn't gone to sleep until almost four am the night before. I opened my gifts- which were a lot more than I expected- walked Legs, took a shower and went to the kitchen to heat up some tamales. For most of the holidays, tamales were my thing.

"You sure you're going?" Mom asked.

I stopped short at the fridge and turned to her, she was drinking coffee, dad was watching TV. "I don't know yet," I lied. I felt like it made me look less desperate, but everyone already knew I had made my decision to go since the second I heard the proposal.

"What about Tere?"

"What about her?"

She stomped her coffee mug down hard with a loud _thud,_ some of the coffee spilled unto the table "You know, you're becoming a real big ass."

"That's your son. Ari, king of the assholes."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, Ari. I just don't like seeing you like this."

I threw my hands in the air. I really didn't understand, "like this how?" I thought I looked fine.

"Like this!" She waved her hands up and down. "Half dead! If you only saw yourself from the outside... You're not _living_, you're _surviving_. When was the last time you really laughed? The last time you looked forward to something? You're walking around with a girl you don't love-"

I gave up on the idea of breakfast, and went to my room to get my wallet, then walked back out to the kitchen. "I'm going. I'll decide what to do along the way."

"Ari..."

"I love you."

"I know," she looked like she wanted to cry.

Just like tamales, crying was in on that season.

**PART 2:**

I didn't know what to do. I had the three gifts, two for his parents and one for him, but those were from my parents. I hadn't gotten him anything. _Should I even get him something? What if he just throws it at my face and kicks me out. _The possibility wasn't minimum. I drove around and around, clothes, cologne, a book, nothing felt right. I looked at the time, I had twenty minutes left.

The steering wheel of my truck was taking a beating due to my frustration, when I drove by the flea market and remembered that the last time I was there I had seen some really pretty bracelets, the unisex ones for both boys and girls. They could even add pendants to them. The idea excited me, I knew he would like it.

I looked at all the colors and choose baby blue, he loved the water. I looked at all the little things I could add to it. Rhinestone and letters, tiny decorations. There was one of the world, and I immediately thought, 'he is my world' so I got it. I also got the letters to spell his name. When I was done, I loved it. A baby-blue bracelet with his name in silver letters and a little pendant of the world hanging from it. I put it in my pocket and went to his house.

It was going to be eleven when I got there, I hoped with all my heart his parents were still gone. I gathered the three original gifts, mixed them with all my courage, and walked to his front door. I raised my hand to knock, and then put it down. _What was I wearing? Was it good enough? Why did I wear this sweater? I should have worn the other one. I hadn't brushed my teeth in three hours, I should of done it before leaving, but what was I thinking? I hadn't even had breakfast-_

Just knock... knock... knock on the door.

I did, and then again about ten seconds later.

I held my breath, shook in place a little, and then he opened the door. His eyes squinted into the light of the cold winter sun as if he hadn't seen it in days, face tired, slightly blushed as if he had just woken up, and maybe he had. He was wearing dark blue pajama pants and a light brown sweater, brown hair even messier than usual, and it had grown a little, _he _had grown a little, he was a bit taller.

His face completely changed when he saw me, form half-asleep to complete shock. We both kind of stood there, in the cold wind of Christmas day.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. I had missed his voice so much, I wanted to smiled like an idiot at the sound but held my lips.

"I brought presents from my mom and dad to your family. I came to drop them off."

"Oh..." He stared at me for a little, then opened the door all the way, and motioned for me to come in. "You can leave them under the tree. They're not here right now, but I'll tell them you came."

I did, and when I turned back around he was staring at me nervously backed up into the wall, staying as far away from me as possible, his big eyes shaking. "There's one for you too," I told him. We hadn't closed the door and the cold was getting inside. I shuddered under it's wings, and so did he.

"Is it from your parents?" He asked. That voice again, I don't even understand how I ever thought I could be without it.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"That one is," I nodded at the Christmas tree, "but I got you something too."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

He tilted his head to the side, "Why?"

That was a very good question. The truth is that I didn't even know, so I answered stupidly, "It's Christmas."

"I know that."

"Can I give it to you?"

"What is it?" He asked, unconsciously taking a step towards me. His face had lit up like a tiny bulb in the Christmas lights.

"Come here," I said, and he did.

He stood but a foot away from me and held out his hand. I pulled his sleeve up and pulled the bracelet from my pocket. He immediately smiled.

"It's so pretty."

I placed it in his wrist, and when I was done I couldn't let go of his hand. He felt so warm, warmer than the nicest day of summer, warmer than the plants mom leaves outside "to get sun," warmer than you, warmer than me. He stared at me holding his hand, and I stared at my hand holding his hand, and neither of us pulled away.

"Maybe you should leave," he said.

I rubbed my fingers against his palm, " But I don't want to go."

"You really should leave," he said, but it was too late. I closed the gap between us, a small step to the naked eye, months to our souls.

"I don't want to go," I repeated into his ear.

"Why do you do this to me?' He asked, his voice cracking, and I couldn't stand it anymore.

I kissed him. I held his waist, and his back, and his arms and I kissed him. I pulled him to me, and pushed myself on to him, and savored the sweet taste of his saliva and kissed him still, and he kissed me back. He threw his arms around my neck and fell into me. I was there to catch him, to support him, to love him. I felt his fingers in my hair, the breath leaving his lungs on my face, I heard the soft sounds of life coming from the very depth of his throat and my soul called out to them.

Damn had I missed him! It was love, crazy, stupid, full of flaws between two people that maybe shouldn't love each other, but it was present. It was the truest of feelings, the one that takes over your whole being and flips you around like a ragged doll making you lose all reason. It was love.

"I've missed you," I told him between kisses. "Damn, had I missed you." I kissed him deeper, more, my arms covering the whole of his back with force. I wanted to dig myself into him, I wanted him more than I had even wanted anything else. I walked him to the couch and placed him down, he let himself fall under me. It was the best feeling of delight.

"The door, close it." He told me.

I walked to the door and slammed it shut. I locked it just in case, but I knew no one was coming, at least for a little bit. When I returned to him he was on his feet again, and a lot more aggressive. He pulled off my sweater and tossed it to the floor, then pulled off his own, he was wearing a plane white shirt underneath. How very Dante, to lazy to dress up even for Christmas.

"Lets go to my room," he invited. The words sounded so far away. I had heard them only in the mist of my dreams and between daydreams as I stared into the empty ceiling of my room, but he was asking me for real, and I got so nervous I froze.

"Are you sure?" I asked, the confidence from earlier deleted completely. He had all control again.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me away. When we entered his room he was laughing, he spined around and threw himself on the bed, "Come and get me," he said in a comical way, like something you hear in a bad movie.

That made me laugh and regain my confidence a bit. He was Dante. I knew all about him, I loved him, so I was going to make out with him, and that was ok. I closed and locked the door behind me and pulled of my shirt, he stopped laughing. He looked me up and down and blushed.

"What?" I asked. Did he not like me? Was he expecting something else? Had I done something wrong? I wanted to cover myself again.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered and I realized he hadn't stopped because of me, he had stopped because of _him_. I walked to him, he got up from the bed and walked away. A big lump formed in my throat, I was certain he would kick me out at any minute. "I don't know, Ari." He said, looking out the window at the trees that whooshed with the freezing day's wind. "I mean, what are we doing?"

"We're making out." I tried to play with comedy, "and hopefully in the middle of doing very dirty and nasty things."

He laughed, and then stopped laughing. He looked me straight in the eyes, "Do you even like me?"

I couldn't believe it, "What?! Of course I do! Dante, I don't only like you, I love you. I adore you, you're everything to me!"

"Then why-" he turned away, he couldn't say it.

I shook my head, I understood how he felt. I walked to him slowly, and hugged him from behind resting my lips on his neck and hoping really bad for him not to accidentally step back and feel what was bulging in my jeans. I was convinced that wouldn't have helped my cause. "I know many things have happened."

"Many." he agreed.

"But I know how I feel. I love you, more than anything and anyone else in this world. And this time without you has been hell, it's been _hell_ to me. And just you opening that door earlier, and you allowing me to hold you in my arms like this, it's bringing me back to life." He turned to me, his face was red and his eyes glittered. "That's what I feel, Dante. What do you feel?"

"What I feel?" he murmured. "I feel what I haven't felt since you left." He took a deep breath and left it out into my face, it felt wonderful, "I feel _alive._" I held his face in my hands, felt his hair against my fingertips. My Dante, mine, mine, mine. "Why did we break up, Ari?" he asked.

"So we could learn that we can't be without the other."

He answered without a single strand of doubt, "but I already knew that."

His face was so close to mine, I could see his full perfection, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

"Never again, Ari." He shook his head, "never do anything like this again."

"I won't."

"Ok..."

"Ok."

He kissed me first, rubbed my chest with both his hands, then tied them behind my neck. He pulled at my hair as I eased him to the bed, but instead of letting himself fall down he turned on me and pushed me down first.

I sat at the edge with my shirt off, the world closed, his face close, and my reason gone. He straddled me, and what I was feeling was not of this earth, it couldn't have been. My entire body trembled, the slightest touch of his body to my pelvic cavity made me shudder under him, pushing myself up into his body in the hopes of getting some more drops from that fountain of ever lasting life.

I held his hips and moved them towards me, up and down we bumped into each other, the both of us hard and panting, and completely stupid.

I pulled off his shirt and kissed his chest, his head flew back, the noises that I love so much began falling from his mouth. _C'mon,_ I told myself, _make him feel better. _Please... Please... I had to hear him more.

"Ari," he told me. "I've missed you so much. Every day... Every day I wanted to look for you."

I moved his hips towards me, "Can I touch you?" I asked.

"You are touching me."

"Can I touch you _there_?" He thought about it, "I want to stick my fingers in." It was not the nicest way I could have said it, but my mind and body where boiling and I said the first thing that came to mind.

To my surprise, he agreed, "If you want to do that you have to wash your hands."

I picked him up with both arms and sat him on the edge of the bed. I quickly washed my hands in the restroom. As I scrubbed, I thought about what we were doing, what was about to happen. I had no idea what to do. I mean, I knew the general thing, and for some reason I wanted to stick my fingers inside of him, and for an even stranger reason thinking about it made me so hard that it hurt, but I didn't know _exactly_ what to do.

I was really doubting the whole thing, but when I walked back into the room he was sitting there- just where I had left him- but he had taken off his pants and boxers. He was waiting for me: naked. A song started playing in my heart, I don't remember the tune or the rhythm or lyrics or if it even had lyrics, I just remember it was very calm and soothing, it relaxed me. Without thinking much, I unbuttoned my jeans and shook out of them, did the same with my boxers, and there we were, two very strange boys about to discover how to have sex with-

Oh shit.

I froze solid.

This was my first time, but was it _his_ first time?

I didn't want to get mad, I didn't want to ruin the moment, he look so beautiful and he was waiting for me, but I had to ask. "Have you done this before?"

He pursed his lips, he knew where this was going. He sighed and looked to the side. "I've-" he shook his head, he looked disappointed, "I have."

"With who?"

"Ari-"

"With who?"

"Daniel."

"You had sex with him."

"Oral... Not all the way."

"What do you mean 'all the way?'"

"Look, you can't get mad at me because we weren't together, and I really don't want us to fight."

"Then answer the question."

"Ari-"

"Answer. The. Question."

"We've had oral sex, and hand jobs, that's it. Nothing else, I promise. I couldn't do it." His head fell, he couldn't look at me, "I wanted to... To try to forget you, but I couldn't do it with him."

I was still mad but...

I walked to the edge of the bed and lifted his face, "But you want to do it with me?"

"I want everything with you, Ari. Everything."

I kneeled before him and decided that if I ever saw Daniel, I would beat him so hard no one would be able to recognize his face. "From now on, only me. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I don't care who it is. If you are ever with anyone else, I will walk up to both of you, push you out of the way, beat the living shit out of him, and steal you back."

He laughed, but I wasn't joking.

"You can't solve everything with violence, Ari."

_Then maybe I should just kill them, _I thought, and I scared myself.

He kissed me, and I forgot any ideas I was preparing for the gruesome demise of anybody who dared to touch him.

TBC...

Next time the much awaited love scene (blush), and soon the last chapters of this story where everything will wrap up! Thank you so much for reading like always, it keeps me going. Since this semester in school is a lot easier than the last three, I will attempt to make a more flexible schedule and try my best to update a lot faster. So lets hope that works... :)


	10. Chapter 10: Christmas Day

**This whole chapter is strict FAN-service, a sex scene , and doesn't really aid on the plot. In other words, if it makes you uncomfortable you can skip it. If you are someone that enjoys these chapters (like me) then here you go... **

**PS. I apologize in advance for typos. I am trying, really trying, so if you catch one that really bothers you or makes the sentence unbearable, please let me know and I will get on it ASAP!**

**So now for the Chapter... **

When I thought about sex I usually pictured a bed, a dark night, and I imagined the feeling like masturbating, just with another person. Maybe some nice words, little whispers, but that's it.

Boy was I wrong... Was I very, very wrong, and I was so happy for that.

We were naked, his room lit by the day. The sun wasn't out, but it wasn't completely cloudy, giving the world a grayish look. We never stopped kissing, I couldn't stop touching him.

Every touch of his fingers made that part of my body shiver, and the signal traveled slowly through my body, electrifying everything, until eventually, it would end between my legs. These feelings made it inevitably impossible to keep my eyes opened, they would roll backwards or to the sides, and I didn't want to look like someone possessed by a demon while having sex, so I decided to just keep them closed. It was nothing like I had pictured it, nothing like the times I had kissed other girls, _nothing _like it! It was magical, ecstatic, too much, way to much for a body to handle.

When we broke the kiss he moaned out loud, I got a little scared, because when I say out loud, I really mean out loud, and I wasn't ready for it. There was no one else in the house, so for the first time he was letting his voice loose, and it was delicate and a little high pitched, but also yearning and pleasurable.

I pushed him down on the bed, wiggled my way on top of him. It was strange, I can't say everything went fluently. He was a little taller than me, he didn't work out but would swim, and as I touched him his muscles tightened, making them hard. He was lean but cut, there was no way to deny that I was making out with a boy. A very good-looking boy, but still a boy. So what did that make me? I decided to leave those questions for later.

I kissed his neck, tangling my hands in his hair. He moaned loud and long, his body started shaking under me, twitching, and I wondered if that was normal, if people usually twitched and trembled while making out.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

He looked at me, his eyes where sparking like the ocean, his cheeks where red like apples.

"I can't," he told me, and I thought I had done something wrong, or that maybe he was thinking about it and decided that he really couldn't forgive me, but then he grabbed my hand and placed it around himself. He moved it up and down, making me play with him with very precise movements, not as if we were exploring and discovering, but as if this was a mission that had to be done right and fast. Things got a little crazy then. He reached around my neck, I remember the stabbing pain of his nails into my scalp. "I can't..." he keep saying. "I can't..."

"What is it?"

He said my name.

He gasped out loud, his back arching up from the bed, his face was contorted, moaning and moaning, everything was strange.

"Shhh...shhh..." I told him, whispering into his face. I wanted to calm him down a little. He hadn't gotten like that in the tunnels, over there he was quiet and shy, but right then he was the complete opposite. He kept moving my hand, demanding from it. Tightening my grip, going faster.

I could feel the muscles of his tights tightening and letting loose just to tighten again, as if reaching for something. He kissed me, and when he did he bit down on my tongue so anxiously I tasted metal.

He layed back down on the bed and let go of my hand leaving me to continue on my own. "Ari," he asked. "Will you keep going?" He spoke between breaths, dazed, and of course I kept going. Like hell I was going to stop, I wasn't an idiot. I tried following what he had shown me. I kept moving my hand the way he had earlier, with the exact same grip and rhythm.

He shut his eyes, gripping at my neck with both hands. He was moaning, tightening his body so much the veins in his neck were protruding. His legs kept kicking, his nails digging into my neck, he was gasping for air, thrusting up into my hand, until he eventually got very quiet. He stretched his body, his legs pulling out, he dug so deep into me with his nails that for the first time I realized it actually hurt. He was trying to say something, his mouth was moving, but nothing came out. He arched his back and shut his eyes, he got so still that he even stopped breathing. And then everything came out, his semen jumped up to fall back on his stomach, and he opened his eyes gasping out loud for air.

It was like watching him die, only to come back to life in my arms. It was beautiful.

His chest was raising and falling fast and deep, recovering from the lack of oxygen. He was breathing trough his mouth, kind of like he did when he would stay underwater for way too long and come back up almost fainting. I asked if he was ok and he chuckled, rubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"That was amazing," he told me with a huge smile, still catching his breath. He reached for my shoulder and looked me straight in the eyes, "that was amazing, Ari."

"Why?"

He hummed into my lips, "Because it was you."

I swallowed hard. He had gotten release, but I was so hard I was leaking. I placed my hand in his thigh and slowly moved it up. His lips quivered, his eyes shined bright like the stars in the desert. He was so beautiful. "Can I do it?"

I trailed my fingers to his back, his eyes were firm on me, never leaving my sight. When I was about to reach, he grabbed my hand. "Let me do something for you," he said, and before I knew it I was under him.

He got up and stood at the side of the bed. "Just relax there," he told me, placing a hand on my stomach and kneeling down.

I sat up, "What are you doing?"

He gave me this confused look, as if it should be obvious, "I was thinking of giving you oral sex, do you not like that?"

I was really confused, I had never...

"You don't look convinced." He got up, "I'm sorry, I should have asked. I just assumed, and that was wrong."

"No." I wanted to hold him down there, this feeling of immense loss took over me. I didn't want him to leave. "I'm the one that is sorry."

"If you're still not ready-"

"No, but I am ready!" I must have sounded super needy or super horny.

He smiled, "are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive."

"Yes."

"You haven't convinced me," he was being a tease.

"Dante, could you please... I really want you to give me head." it sounded super vulgar, and I got so ashamed for saying it, but he only giggled bitting down on his lower lip.

"Fine," he said, kneeling back down. He moved my legs so they would dangle on the side of the bed and got in between them, "But only because I love you."

_He loves me. _

He grabbed me in his hand and pulled the fore skin back, he was looking at me with the same sparkle in his eyes.

He licked the tip, and a shock of tingling-pain shot up through my whole body. Nothing had ever been there, nothing had ever touched that part of me before, and now it was his tongue doing it. I jolted forward, the hairs in the back of my neck stood up, my toes curled. He licked me again, this time from the very bottom to the top. His tongue played games at the tip, circling and sucking, as if eating a sweet candy. I will never forget the way it looked, the way it felt, that look in his eyes as he did it.

And then he went in, taking all of me into his mouth. I gasped, and my hand shot up reflexively to grasp his hair. Up and down he went, up and down with his tongue, with his mouth. He closed his eyes and went deeper, I could feel myself touching the back of his troat. I felt bad for a little, there's no way that could have been comfortable, but when I tried to pull away he held on to my thighs, and shook his head. I stopped struggling. He kept going, in and out. He was so eager while doing it, so desirous. I realized I wasn't the only one feeling pleasure from all of this, he like it too. He liked it a lot.

I allowed myself to open up, to relax. I let myself feel, and it felt so damn good.

_I can teach you how to swim,_ he had told me, and we had laughed so much in that swimming pool.

I looked around his room, this is where we had our first kiss.

_Well?_

_Didn't work for me._

_Nothing?_

_Nope._

_Okay. It sure worked for me._

Why had I lied back then? If I would've just given in, we could've been together all this time. We could have been doing things like this all along.

He did something with his tongue that made all of my muscles tighten, and I looked down on him, brushing his hair away from his face with my fingers.

He did that same thing again and I gasped, my legs kicking up in an uncontrollable reflex.

_Bad joke. Screw you, Ari._

_Why are you so mad?_

_Why are_ you_ so mad?_

_I'm not mad anymore._

_So maybe it's my turn to be mad._

_Okay, that's fair. How's Daniel?_

_You're a piece of crap, Ari._

_No. Daniel's a piece of crap._

_Why am I thinking about that right now? _

I tightened my grip on his hair, he was so beautiful I was disgusted with myself for hurting him.

His hands rubbed up and down my thighs, they came up to my stomach and my chest, and went back down. He was licking, sucking, doing everything he could to make me feel good. He was making love to me, I could feel it. This wasn't just head, this was love. He was poring all of his love into me.

I felt so inadequate, I could never do anything. Even then, when he was giving me so much, I didn't know what to do to return any of it. I didn't know how to show my affection, I didn't know how to make love to him back, so I just tightened my grip on his hair, and thrusted into him stupidly.

I gritted my teeth. I wanted to scream, to make sounds, but I stopped all of them. Moaning just wasn't my thing. I could grunt tough, I don't know why, grunting didn't embarrass me. With every single one of his moves, I grunted and tighten my teeth.

I could feel it coming, the release I wanted, I _needed_ to get.

_I can teach you how to swim, if you want._

Dante, I wanted to tell him, you have taught me so much more.

"Don't... stop..."

My whole body tensed.

He didn't stop, not when I shook and twisted under him, not when I kicked up with my legs and wrapped them around his body, not when I dug my fingertips into his shoulders unable to control my feelings, not when I turned my legs in awkward positions, moving his body along with them._ I wasn't really kissing Daniel. In my head, I was kissing you._

I thought of the times we've kissed, his face, his smile, it was always him.

I couldn't... I was going to explode.

He didn't stop until I spilled into him, finally letting go. I released him from my legs then and saw him swallow. That image has stayed with me forever. I'll never be able to explain how it made me feel. It was out of this world.

"Are you ok?" I asked him. I was scared. I thought I might have hurt him with my legs. I had a lot of muscle, I could have twisted something in his neck...

He smiled, both of his hands rubbing at the back of his skull, "it's nothing. In fact, I really, really, liked it."

"You liked what?"

"Your legs around me."

I stop worrying, and then I felt it, the enormous feeling of release. I felt so light, refreshed, brand new. I felt so alive and so well. Kind of like deflated, as if someone had poked me with a needle and everything bad had been released from my body.

I stretched my toes, they had cramped up from all that time they were curled up, it felt delicious. He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand, and I grabbed that same hand and pulled him to me. I kissed him, and he kissed me back. I picked him up and pulled him on top of me, and we kissed and kissed ending up rolled around on the blankets, still completely naked.

"At what time do you have to be home?" He asked after a while.

"I am not going home. I am staying here with you."

He laughed, "What are you doing for Christmas?"

"You!" We both laughed. "Probably more food. What are you going to do?"

"Family is coming over." It hit me then, we couldn't be doing this, he could get in trouble. I was getting up when he said, "but not until later, so stay for a bit."

I smiled, "of course I'll stay. I'm staying with you forever. I am never letting you go again." I wrapped my arms around him and layed on his shoulder. I kissed his neck, that made him giggle. "So now that we did this, does it mean we can keep doing it, or is this only like a one-time-thing?"

"Do you want to keep doing it?"

"I want to do it all the time. Who needs school? Who needs work? I just want to be here with you."

He kissed me smiling, "we can keep doing it-" he stopped and took a deep breathe, looking at me very serious. "Have you broken up with your girlfriend?"

That caught me off guard. As horrible as it sounds, I didn't even remember of her existence. "As soon as I can. I want to be with you, Dante. You're the one."

"I better be. And you better do it, because I don't plan of sharing. Not now, not ever."

We talked for a little. I remember something about school, some stuff about work. I could smell his hair, his skin. I remember I kept drawing circles with the tips of my fingers on his stomach, he kept playing with my hair. I was so happy, and he looked happy too.

**Author's question: I just heard that Mr. Saenz is in the process of writing a kind of sequel, but not really. I think it's the story but from Dante's point of view. I am so excited about this, I've been fangasming for days! If anyone knows anything about this, please let me know. I found some tweets on it, but not really any details, and I NEED TO KNOW! **

**Please and thank you... and that you for reading. Thank you so much :)**


	11. Chapter 11: Ferrocarril

There is a lot of Spanish in this chapter for which I created some notes at the bottom.

Thank you for reading, hope you like.

**PART 1:**

There was a knock on the door and we looked at each other with eyes wide open. Without a single word we jumped off of the bed and tip-toed around the room as quietly as possible, looking for our clothes and slipping them back on.

The door knob twisted, and I felt like I might faint, but the door didn't open. I let out a breath of air, glad that one of us had decided to lock it. I didn't remember it being me.

"Dante?" Mrs. Quintana voice came from outside, still pulling on the door knob without success.

"I'm coming mom, I just... I-" Dante gave me this 'we're fucked' look while jumping into his pants and quickly buttoning and messing with the zipper. "It's just that-"

"Is Ari with you?" She asked. "His truck is here." I put on my shirt, and so did he, and we gave each other a sigh of relief as he walked towards the door to open it. "Just open the door Dante. I want to see that you're okay."

He swang the door open as I sat on the bed, with no idea as to what else to do.

She looked from Dante to me, and then at the bed that was still made a mess, "You both okay?"

"Yes mom," Dante answered. "We were just," he took a breath between words but finished quickly. "We were getting dressed."

Mrs. Quintana's face froze, she looked like she wanted to say many things, but couldn't decide where to start. I knew Dante and his family were close, I knew that he told them everything, but I never imagined he could be so blunt even in that type of situation. I know I could never tell my parents anything like that.

She leaned into him, looking at him straight in the eyes with a concerned expression. Her voice a little lower, yet still loud enough for me to hear, "was it consensual?"

Dante rolled his eyes, "yes mom."

"Are you using protection?"

My face was as red as a brown tomato. Some things I just could not be okay with, and one of them was discussing my sexual life with Dante's mother.

"Mom, we'll talk about it later."

"Take care of yourself Dante, please."

"Mom, I'm okay." He raised his hands to the sides, "look at me. I am fine."

She looked at me instead. I looked up at her between shame and noticed her face of disproval.

"We'll go over in a while," Dante said, closing the door a bit, hoping she would walk away.

"_Abuela_ is on the way," she told him, holding the door open with her hand. "And the next time you try to close the door on me like this, will be the last time you can have anybody over." Dante winced, her voice got louder. "Get ready, she'll be here in about thirty."

Dante's mother is a scary human being.

She walked away, and it took a few seconds for Dante to be comfortable enough to close the door, still scared of her words.

"Well that went unexpectedly well," he mumbled as he walked to his drawer and pulled out two shirts. "Let's shower so we can go to the living room." He threw one of them at me, it was white and so worn down it was almost transparent. "I'll get you some pants, I think they'll fit." He walked over to the closet and pulled two out together, throwing one at me again.

"Is it really okay to shower here?" I asked.

"They already know what we were doing. What's the worse that can happen?"

"What if she really gets upset?"

"Ari, if she didn't want you here, she would have already kicked you out."

He pulled me by the arm and locked us in the restroom. He pulled my shirt off smiling, and then unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. I felt pretty stupid just standing there, so I undressed him too.

"I take really hot showers," he told me. "Hope you're okay with some steam." I was struck with a sudden happiness and I smiled at his face, at just the naked sight of him. I noticed his skin was like a mold. His body was a collection of cells and water, and there really wasn't much anatomic difference between him and I, we were both humans after all, but this particular mold held the best philosophies I had ever heard, the most simple, yet completely necessary characteristics of life and thought that made Dante Dante, and through this body I could get to him, through this body I could reach him. I could make him happy, make him feel good. With my hands, I could draw into him by tracing his hips. I could dig inside of him with parts of me to reach as deep as possible, to try to get to his core, because now he was mine. Body and mind, Dante was now a part of me and I was a part of him.

He turned the water on and tested it with his hand before finally stepping in. He called me with a wave, the whole thing was bizarre, but we had just had sex, so I doubted it could have gotten much weirder.

I got in closing the curtain behind me, and suddenly it wasn't just a shower. The way he was looking at me, the way the warm water was hitting his back, the tiny space that was between us... fuck that space. I kissed him pressing him against the wall. I moved my mouth all around his, and realized that kissing under falling water can get very messy.

He gripped my shoulders with all the strength of a professional swimmer, and I let my hands move down his sides, to his waist, and tighten him against me.

He tried to detached his mouth from mine, but I kept pulling him back, until he used both of his hands to push my face away to stared into my eyes with a sturdy seriousness. I stopped and listened.

"I really missed you Ari," he said, pulling my hair away from my face, then moving his hands down to my neck. "It was so hard to be without you. I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me."

His eyes looked hurt and I felt like a fool.

I knew what I felt, but I had never stopped to think about his feelings. I thought about his face, and I thought about his voice, and I thought about how much I wanted him with me, but I had never thought much about him wanting these same things from me. About him feeling what I was feeling, the longing, the emptiness.

"I'm sorry." I held his face in my hands, with the running water splashing against our faces. "We are never splitting up again, never Dante."

He kissed me again. His lips were soft and wet, and his hands were around my shoulders, and his legs were rubbing against me. I didn't want that moment to ever end, but it did, and he grabbed a luffa from the side of the shower. He filled it with soap and started at my neck, slowly, carefully brushing at my skin. It wasn't the first time he had given me a shower, but it was the first time I gave one to him.

"So now that you're mine," I said. "Let's make some rules."

"What is it with you and rules Ari?"

"Rule number one, you are mine and mine alone."

"And you are mine and mine alone."

"Always."

He smiled.

"Rule number two," I pulled him against me, and leaned against his ear to whisper, "we have to do this bedroom stuff more often." He pushed me off laughing, and I almost slipped.

He grabbed me with both hands quickly to stop me from falling and apologized at least five times for it. I told him that if he really was sorry, he should repent with a kiss.

He kept kissing me the whole time we were in there.

**PART 2**

After showering we went over to the living room. Dante's grandma had just arrived with a few of his cousins, and as soon as she saw him, she attacked him with one of those hugs you can't get loose from even if you tried. She kissed his face all around, and then came to me.

"This is my friend Ari," Dante told her.

The fact that she knew about the car thing was evident in her face, she gave me a very loving expression wrapped with another one of those hugs.

"_Tu eres Ari_," she told me, holding on tight.

I smiled, and Dante was smiling, and even Mrs. Quintana was smiling.

"You are all so big now," she said with a strong accent. Some of my uncles had that same accent too, it was familiar.

I stayed over for a little while. I knew that I had to go home too, it was already going to be three in the afternoon and my parents would want me to be home for Christmas Day, but I didn't want to separate from him yet.

There was talk, and laugher, and they were preparing food, but then I saw something that really pissed me off.

"Say _ferrocarril_, Dante." One of his cousins told him, shoving at his shoulder in a mocking way.

"_Si andale Dante, di ferrocarril,"_ the other one went along with it.

They didn't look like him. If he wouldn't have told me they were his cousins, I wouldn't had even imagined it. Their skin was dark, almost the same as mine. Their facial features were strong, nothing like Dante's.

"No guys," Dante answered, lowering his head and trying to walk away, but one of them held him back by the arm.

"_Andale guero!_" He teased him.

Dante looked at me, and I noticed he was really bothered by it, but that was his family. I thought he could just walk away from them if he really wanted to. I didn't see any immediate threat and to top it off, it was _his family._ I couldn't just get in their face and tell them to fuck off just like that.

"_Say it gringo!_" they pulled him back into the couch and messed with is hair. "_Ya cortate el pelo, que es eso?!_"

"_Dilo Dante, como es? Felocalil?_" They laughed, and I knew that they had to be stopped, because Dante looked as if he was about to start crying.

"Hey!" I said walking over to the couch and pulling Dante up. "Leave him alone, what is your problem?"

"That's how he says it Ari. Real funny. He can't pronounce the 'RRs.' He thinks he's white."

My mouth dropped open.

In the Spanish language there isn't just the 'r' but there is an 'rr,' which makes an 'rrrrrrrrrr' sound, kind of like a motor boat, so I can understand how someone like Dante, who didn't really speak that much Spanish on a daily basis, could have trouble with it. It isn't a sound that exists at all in the English language.

"So what?" I told them. "You can't pronounce a lot of the english words perfectly. I've been listening."

"Yes, but we're Mexican fool, we don't have to. _Este_ can't even speak his own language."

"_Nombre_, Dante ain't even Mexican," the other one laughed. "He's adopted."

"_Este vato_," he started laughing too. "_He's adopted, la cagas._"

"_Porque los dos no se callan el osico_," I told them with a very firm voice. I was about ready to punch one of them in the face. It didn't matter who.

"No Ari," Dante held me back by the arm.

They both stopped talking and gave me very dirty looks.

"What's going on here," Mr Quintana asked, stepping into the living room from the kitchen. Mrs Quintana and _abuela_ followed.

"_Nada, nada Tio. Aqui jugando,"_ one of them said, leaning back against the couch.

Mr. Quintana looked at me and at Dante's watery eyes. He told us to go to Dante's room to wait for the food, and so we did.

"That's the way they always are, don't get mad," he told me while locking the door.

I was still pretty pissed, and if I heard another word from either of them at all, I really wouldn't have thought about it twice to pop them on the mouth. "But it isn't right, who the hell do they think-"

"Shhh... Calm down." He hugged me kindly, pressing himself against my neck and my chest. I could feel his heart under his shirt, his fingers lightly against my waist, and the shakiness in my muscles and the tension in my jaw started going away way too easy. His cheek was against my cheek, an his hair was massaging my temple. His smell was inside my lungs. "Just ignore them," he whispered very low into my ear, and that was it, everything else went away. The only think in my mind was him again.

I hugged him back, so happy that hugging him was so easy then, when just the night before all I could do was hold him in my dreams.

"It just pissed me off! I'm sorry. I know they are your cousins, but they are assholes."

"I know, I've never gotten along with them." He looked at me and the redness around his eyes was gone, replaced by the pinks in his cheeks, "but at least we got an excuse to come to the room."

He kissed me, and we moved slowly towards the bed. Before I knew it he was on top of me again.

Outside Christmas Day could wait. All that I wanted was Dante Quintana.

**TBC...**

Notes: (Translations)

Abuela. Grandma.

Tu eres Ari. You are Ari.

ferrocarril. Train.

Si, andale Dante. Di ferrocarril. C'mon Dante, say train.

Andale guero. C'mon light-skinned.

gringo. Anglo.

Yo cortate el pelo. Que es eso? Cut your hair already, what is that?

Dilo Dante, como es? Felocalil. Say it Dante, how is it? Felocalil.

Este. This one.

Nombre. I would translate this one as the equivalent of saying 'not even'

Este vato. This guy.

La cagas. The literal translation would be something like 'you shit on it.' It could be used when someone is taking something too far.

Porque los dos no se callan el osico? Why don't you two shut your trap?

Nada, nada Tio. Aqui jugando. Nothing, nothing, Uncle. Where just playing.


End file.
